Autism is a diagnosis that knocks you down. It knocks the wind right out of you and for a minute, you forget how to breathe. Even if you saw the red flags, even if you knew in your heart of hearts that this diagnosis was coming, you’re never ready to hear it out loud for the first time. “Your child does meet criteria for Autism,” is a verbal slap to the face. It stings. The kind of sting where your eyes water uncontrollably and the feeling lingers. But after that initial shock wears off and you’ve had some time to process, you realize Autism isn’t a dirty word.
Finding out your child has Autism changes your world- but at the same time, it doesn’t. Sure, you leave that doctor’s office with an extensive list of phone numbers to call, therapies to schedule, social skills groups to find. Your to-do list may seem impossibly long, and your heart may race just thinking about your daily routine and schedule being thrown out the window.
Take a deep breath. Then one more. And then one more for good measure. Then look at your child; that beautiful child that you made from scratch. They still smile the same, and their giggle still lights up the whole room. They still love dinosaurs and baby dolls and race cars. That beautiful child still gives the best hugs and loves to snuggle on the couch. They still love to run outside, no matter the weather, and go down the slide on their belly. Look at that tiny nugget and see that even though it may feel like your entire world is imploding into overwhelming darkness, this little perfectly imperfect human is still a bright, shining light; Autism doesn’t change that.
When someone responds with “I’m sorry” when told of this new diagnosis, shake it off. If someone says, “Oh no, that’s awful,” shake it off. They may not realize how “I’m sorry” can cut like a knife; how an apology about the way your child is can sting more than the diagnosis itself. Apologies and sympathies won’t be helpful but don’t wallow there. Don’t take stock in the cringes, the glances, the unsure responses. Don’t let Autism become a dirty word. Hang on to the “You’re an amazing parent, you’ll do everything you need to,” and “I’m here if you need anything.” Know that you are, in fact, amazing and that you will do everything you need to. Hang on to the people that love your child exactly the way they are.
Remind yourself, “My child may have Autism, but my child is also smart, friendly, loving, hard-working, silly, fun, and caring. Autism isn’t a dirty word, it’s an explanation.” The rest of the world, at least the parts of it that matter, will follow suit.
