When a baby is born, a mom is born, too. We learn about all of the developmental milestones that babies should reach by reading books, talking to healthcare providers, reaching out to our social circles, and spending too much time scrolling the internet. At the same time, a new mom is developing, too, but where’s the book on that topic? Each baby stage comes along with new and exciting stages of motherhood, too, so let’s talk about them! As a disclaimer, just like with any baby advice, it’s important to note that all moms develop at their own pace.
The Developmental Stages of Motherhood
Newborn Mother: During this first development stage, a new mom is learning to live in the world as a full-time caretaker for a completely dependent newborn baby. In this first month, a new mom may find that she:
- Lives on much less sleep than she thought was possible
- Is expected to be caring for a newborn, but now realizes how much care she needs, too
- Goes long periods without eating because she’s too busy and tired to feed herself
- Can’t stop staring at or kissing her baby
- Tries to figure out all of her baby’s cues, likes, and dislikes
- Goes through a range of emotions regarding all aspects of newborn care – this will probably continue all through motherhood
Infant Mother: During the remainder of the first year, a new mom is learning to expect the unexpected with a baby. She is continuing to learn more about her baby, and discovering so much about herself in the process. From one to twelve months old, the infant mom may find that she:
- Develops her baby-talking voice and has full conversations in a mix of nonsensical words like, “goo” and “gah” and she frequently asks her baby, “Oh yeah? And then what?”
- Spends a lot of time on the floor – this includes working with her baby on new skills, cleaning up drool and spit-up, folding loads of laundry, etc.
- Needs naps just as much as her baby does, but for some reason, her mind rarely settles enough to get the sleep she so desperately needs
- Lights up when her baby reaches milestones like smiling, laughing, rolling over, and saying “Mama”
- Learns in retrospect the importance of baby-proofing her house before her baby is mobile. It might take a few boo-boos or broken decorations to figure this one out.
- Takes more photos than she will ever need to remember all of these phases
Toddler Mother: The next stage of development is a whirlwind phase as the mom wraps her head around the fact that she no longer has an infant. She’s made it through the first year of motherhood and she’s excited for the changes ahead. In this time, she may find that she:
- Uses her toddler’s sleep schedule as a general guideline for determining how her days look, but she might also get out more as she learns to be more flexible with her time
- Gets a good amount of exercise through chasing and carrying her very mobile and curious toddler
- Loves her toddler’s budding language skills, but also desperately wants them to expand, to alleviate frustrations
- Sees her toddler grow quickly and starts referring to her toddler as “so big.” Her mind keeps flashing both backward to the infant phase and forward to the big kid phase as she braces herself, as she now knows just how quickly time flies.
- Might start developing baby fever, if she’s in the market for another baby. This will only be exacerbated by looking back at her toddler’s newborn photos. Conversely, she might be excited to leave the baby phase behind and have no desire to expand her family any further.
Preschool Mother: The preschool mother has an especially big adjustment period as she transitions into this role. Up until now, her motherhood has been something she could keep at home if she chose to, but once she sends her child to school, she enters a new world, just like her child does. At this time, she may find that she:
- Has a love-hate relationship with the fact that her child is now old enough to go to school
- Compares herself and her child to other moms and their children
- Feels the urge to connect with other moms over anything she can. She might schedule playdates, both for the benefit of her child and herself
- Truly understands a lot of the first experiences her child is going through, as this new phase is quite enlightening for her
If a mom feels that she is not experiencing simply ‘variations of normal’ when it comes to these stages of motherhood and her development as a mother, she should talk to her care provider and her loved ones. Moms frequently need help adjusting to the various phases of motherhood, so it never hurts to ask for help or guidance if she feels she needs it!
