It’s 4am, and I’m feeding the baby—who despite many promising nights of sleep here and there is not yet consistently sleeping through the night—and I hear it. His voice is quiet at first. “Mama. More milk please.”
Don’t even get me started on the fact that my 2-year-old is asking for milk at 4am. This all started a couple of months ago when he would see me waking up to give his baby brother milk. Picture a tiny person in alligator pajamas looking at you over his gate and saying in a small voice “I need milk, mama. A little bit. Pweeeeeeeease.” Those earlier days of chronic sleep deprivation resulted in lowered defenses for me—and I gave in. I know he shouldn’t have milk in bed—it’ll rot his teeth, he’ll rely on it to relax back to sleep, he needs more water—I KNOW. Believe me. But that’s not the point of this story. I could write a whole post on my son and how he could exist on milk alone.
This is about my current life and how it’s chaotic at times. Somehow, it’s 4am—and when the world is asleep, I have not one, but TWO children who need me. I have a full lap most days, a full backseat, kids in every available bedroom, and milk coming out of my ears. There are days I’m so tired that if my husband is around, I’ll “nap” and wake up 4 hours later. I’m not telling parents anything out there you don’t already know and live yourself daily. Kids are work. Amazing, tiring, rewarding work.
And amidst my chaos, I have this constant thought…
I WANT MORE KIDS.
(At least ONE more.)
I have absolutely NO business thinking about more children right now. We can barely afford daycare for two kids as it is. I love my children, but I also love my job, and it’s all I can do right now to somehow keep my head above water at work and at home. I have approximately 6,784 pounds to lose before I feel healthy again, and I’d love to feel healthy again before taking on another pregnancy. We have a house with just enough bedrooms, a car with just enough room for two seats, and I’ve only got two hands. Moving from two to three would be an undertaking. We’d be OUTNUMBERED.
So WHY am I INSANE? Why can’t I stop thinking about adding to our family?
I still have a baby in my arms, a toddler who wants “tickle kisses,” a mortgage, a job, and I spend two hours daily pumping breast milk. I can barely find time to get to the gym and eat a vegetable, let alone grow and raise another human. And yet I’m consumed by this knowledge that our family is not yet complete. This is possibly more urgent to me since I recently saw my OB/GYN, and we had a nice little conversation about advanced maternal age, as I recently turned 35. I have this nagging feeling I need to crank out more kids now if I want them.
On one hand, I have this desire for more babies. I’m not getting any younger. I can always add 10 lbs onto the 6,784 lbs I need to lose and just get another pregnancy over with. But on the other hand, I absolutely hate being pregnant. The first trimester I’m an emotional basket case, and the second I invariably develop gestational diabetes and spend the next five months dieting and somehow getting larger at the same time. My job is active so by the ninth month I feel like that child is literally going to fall out, and my ankles look like swollen water balloons. I want it over with. Having a child will always throw a wrench into your life—so why not now?
Well…first of all, kids are expensive. Having a third would mean three children in daycare until my oldest goes to school, and that’s more expense than we might be able to absorb comfortably. Remember those 6,784 lbs I want to lose? I’m thinking it’s not going to be easier with three children. We don’t have enough bedrooms or space in our car. My parents will eventually retire so maybe having a third child down the road would be easier on us—we’d have more help. Waiting has its advantages. I just don’t want to wait too long… I’m an old lady in the pregnancy world now, apparently. If I had more resources, I’d already be knocked up.
So here I am, rocking my babies and dreaming of a house full of kids. We know we want more, and honestly—is there ever an easy time to have another child? In the meantime, I can bask in the relaxation that we’re not outnumbered and they can both fit on my lap. Eventually, we’ll try to add to our family—when the time comes, we’ll have to stock up on milk, because my kids are THIRSTY at 4am. Also, if anyone has suggestions on how to fit three car seats into one row, let me know!
How did you know you were ready (or NOT) to add to your family?
 to add to your family? With three children we'd be outnumbered, but we KNOW we want more!){kind=link}
I am in the exact same boat. 2 kids under 26 months. My 8 month old wakes to breastfeed at 4am and my 2yr old toddler is up for milk at some point… instead of sleeping through the night like she used to. She gets it though. During the day, she breastfeeds her dolls and im reminded of how much they absorb and instantly I think, Two girls is beautiful! I’d love another child… But the pregnancy and the pumping and the storing of milk and my lbs!!! Girl preach. I don’t know how you know you’re done or not, but being early 30s, I feel the pressure, but my car and my house are just the right size so maybe my family is too??
This is me too! All of it! I’ve got the same weight, age, and money problems too! My kids are boys both born in 2016 and 2018! I get this whole article completely. I read this outloud to my husband declaring “this is me!” The entire time. Maybe 2020 we will have girls, be 36, and I’m just not going to comment on how much weight!
Love this! We welcomed our third child this past April. It is chaotic and messy and I have abut 6,500 pounds to lose too, but amid the chaos is an amazing little human and I just can’t picture her not in our lives. If your considering another child, my advice (if you want it lol), have them now. Have them close together. It’s so awesome to see them interact. And don’t worry about your age. I had my 3rd at the ripe old age of 39 and she is perfectly fine.
It’s because someday, it stops being crazy. Somewhwre in your mins you know that. When your youngest is 4 you’ll realize things got easier somewhere and when they are 8, it is lovely….I mean just the craziness is NOT there….but they are more expensive and so fun. So, you gotta be able to make it til your youngest is that age. You know you’re done when you just can’t imagine doing the crazy baby days all over again to make it to age 4 and then 8.
Ps. Diono radians for 3 across.
I too had a nagging feeling that I was not done after having my second baby (I’m a medium and could hear a little one talking to me). Like you we also were limited on finances and space and my body not necessarily being up to it. But we also had age against us. Doctors start pushing our biological clock to tick faster when they say 35 is advanced maternal age. I was pushing 40 with #2! DH was 42. He already had 2 children from his 1st marriage (which I also raised for many years). We would be absolutely CRAZY to have number FIVE in our 40’s right? I was still nursing 15 mo old #2 when I found out we WERE crazy enough to have #5! There were even twins, but one was lost in the very early weeks. We actually breathed a sigh of relief, and knew then, that the surviving baby, who would complete our family, was absolutely meant to be! Almost 8 years later I can’t imagine life without him. We are very cramped for space, tight on $ and always exhausted. But I believe in Divine plans and that we have to follow our intuitions to let them unfold. So, do what you feel you are being guided to.
Trust your intuition.
From another Cumberland Mom
We were on the fence about a third child for 4 years. One of us would be all about it but the other wouldn’t be, and vice versa. We were never on the same page. Until last summer. We both felt like someone was missing from our family. It was a crazy feeling, and we were experiencing it at the same time! We welcomed our third baby in May, and she is so sweet! Her brother and sister are overjoyed she’s here. The age gaps are 7 and 5 years, but it’s been the best!
That nagging feeling! I was a woman on a mission. I knew finances would be a thing. We had in-laws around to help, we both worked full time, but our car could barely fit three carseats and our kids would have to share rooms (not that big of a deal to me)…and we ended up with three kids in five years by the time I was 35. We have a child with severe ADHD; we also have a child with severe heart disease. And yet, our family of five feels complete and I am so thankful we went for it and had the amount of kids we knew we wanted (and I fully acknowledge our privilege in the ability to conceive and carry babies to full term). Yes, it’s expensive and chaotic and busy and exhausting. But now our youngest is four and things ARE FINALLY EASIER. I cannot imagine life without these three kids. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to those who said I was pushing it to have three kids by 35-ish. Sorry for the novel! I just feel strongly that if you feel strongly about another child, you should go for it.
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