Potty Training Is The Actual Worst

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Ok, I’m just going to say it; we’ve all been thinking it, and we’ve all been there at one point or another.

Potty Training SUCKS!! It’s the absolute worst, and I hate it.

Man, do I feel better after saying that. I know it has to be done, and I know everyone swears by the method they used: naked kids, locking themselves in the house for a week, the oh crap potty method. Maybe you left it up to the babysitter or had a very supportive daycare. Maybe your kid was just easy and was successful on the first try with no issues, or maybe your kid was like mine and held it, FOR HOURS! 

I first attempted to potty train my daughter when she was under 2. It was summer, I was home full time with her, and I was pregnant… what could go wrong? HA! All the things. She had 2 accidents and was freaked out. I told her it was ok- not to worry, it happens to everyone (even me when I sneeze!), but my words brought her no comfort.

So, we backed off.

Her brother came that November. She was two- a little older, a little wiser, so we went to Target, and I spend about $40 on underwear. My husband wasn’t happy, but I said: “she picked it out, she’s excited, it’s going to happen this time!” He relented, either because he thought I was crazy or because he could tell I really needed the win, being home with a 2-year-old and newborn. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the lack of food I was consuming, but I really thought this time it would work. HA! Silly mama.

She would hold the pee. All. Day. No matter how many times I put her on the potty, no matter how many stickers I gave her, how many m&m’s I gave her (guys, I’m pretty sure I single-handedly kept them in business). I offered to take her to Target to pick out anything she wanted (my husband held his breath at this promise). Whatever it took, I thought to myself. Still nothing.

Fast forward to the spring, and I’m at my wit’s end! It was a sensitive subject, but honestly, I was embarrassed, afraid something was wrong with her (I was convinced she’d forever wear a diaper and I ruined her. Seriously- ask my friends, I’d become obsessed). Still nothing. So we took yet another break and in the meantime, visited the pediatrician on an unrelated topic. I casually brought it up, and by casually, I mean, I began to cry hysterically. She patted my back and said, “that’s how my first was too, I promise she won’t go to college in a diaper, maybe just high school!” I laughed, she suggested cutting a hole in the bottom of the pull-up (those things are gross inside, by the way) and tell her it’s the magic pull-up. So, that’s what we did for a lot longer than I’d like to admit. Until one day, while she was peeing, I was able to sneak off the pull-up and tell her she was doing it, all on her own. My goodness did it take a while, and I think there was a point when most of my friends thought I was poop obsessed. But we finally got there. Potty training is not for the weak.