If you’re a breastfeeding mother, you’ve likely heard opinions from people around you on when the breastfeeding relationship should end. They might be subtle suggestions, not necessarily directed toward you, but as judgmental observations about others and how long they breastfed. My favorite (insert eye-roll here) piece of advice is that breastfeeding should end by the time a baby or toddler can ask for it.
Yes, my toddler asks for it. What is the problem with that, exactly? Do you realize that since birth, my baby has been asking for it? When he was born, he asked for it by rooting, bringing his fist to his mouth, and sticking his tongue out. He would smack his lips together to indicate hunger. Once I learned more of his cues, I could read his cries and determine which ones were hungry cries, though I tried to feed him before reaching that point.
As he got a little bit older, he would get fussy when he wanted or needed to nurse. When he was in my arms, he would assume the ready-position to let me know it was time. Though we didn’t work on sign language as much as I hoped, he eventually learned to open and close his fist to sign for “milk,” and he would tap two fists together to indicate that he wanted more. He wasn’t yet verbal, but he was using his limited infant language skills to ask for what he wanted.
He started vocalizing his wants and needs verbally as he reached toddlerhood. Not surprisingly, his word for nursing was one of his first words, as it was one of the most essential ones for him to have in his early vocabulary. After all, breastfeeding provided him with both food and comfort. With each new word he learned to say, we responded excitedly! The first time he said “Mama,” I scooped him up and gave him a big kiss, not wanting to put him back down! When he saw his favorite toy and correctly identified it as “ball,” you better bet I rolled that ball to him so we could play together. When we were singing our favorite songs, and he said “cookie” after listening to us sing “C is for Cookie,” we had to repeat the song, again and again, to watch him joyfully say his new word, as he could finally make a song request.
Why should nursing be any different? It’s a milestone for him to have achieved the ability to verbally ask for it! Now that he can put it into words, it’s time to take it away from him? I don’t think so. That might work for some people, but it’s not for me.
Of course, when I’m feeling touched out and can tell he will easily move on, I’ll distract him in an attempt to save my sanity. However, if he’s asking for it, I’m not going to say “no” purely on the premise that he’s too old because he’s able to verbally express himself. This phase will end, and it will feel like a blip in time when I look back on it. We will work together to wean when the time feels right. That time isn’t going to be defined by any particular milestone he’s reached, though. For now, he will ask for it, and just like with anything else he asks for, if I deem that it’s a reasonable request, I will give it to him.
