10 Daniel Tiger Songs We Need Written, Like…Yesterday

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October 27, 2017

Daniel Tiger. Is there a better show on TV right now that helps preschoolers get through some tough emotions? I find myself humming “Grown-Ups Come Back” every time my husband hurries out the door, leaving me with 4 little hungry monsters begging for food. It’s great! Those melodically inconsistent songs can get you through so many feels. However, between 4 children I have found that Daniel Tiger, who I will affectionately refer to as DT like I do in real life, doesn’t exactly cover ALL the bases. Here are some song ideas for the upcoming seasons of DT’s Neighborhood, from a woman who survived 3 preschoolers and has one to go.

1. If the Sun Is Down, Lay Down – Please DT writers, can we get a little something to help us out with Daylight Savings Time? We are DYING here. I’d love it if my preschooler didn’t spend a week waking up at 5am this year.

2. I Know the Dentist Looks Scary (She Scares Me Too), But She Won’t Kill You- I vaguely remember an episode where DT was nervous about the dentist, but were the really scary tools ever addressed? Or the mask wearing? The dentist looks like a straight-up bandit coming at you with a noisy tool and it’s really scary. I -uh-mean, for a 3 year old.

3. English Muffins Aren’t Actually Muffins – One of life’s hard lessons. English Muffins are not sweet or muffin shaped or delicious (according to my kids). My son actually took apart his English Muffin, frantically trying to find a muffin hidden inside. If I were a good mom I would have maybe made him some muffins because he was pretty upset. But, if this song existed, he would have been ready for one of life’s biggest disappointments.

4. We Don’t Need to Find Out If It Floats (Let’s Leave Floating to Boats)– Yeah, Mommy’s phone sinks and so do your brother’s remote control cars.

5. Yes, We Eat Animals Sometimes (Like The Ones in Your Farm Book) – Sorry vegan friends, but every meat eater eventually has to have this conversation with their child. The moment they connect chicken the food with chicken the animal. The moment we fear our kid might become a vegetarian.

6. Snacks Are Not Dinner, Stop Asking For Crackers – The answer will never be yes, kid. Sing this song for solace.

7. Don’t Tell Mommy She’s Fat (Even If It’s True) – Yep, this happened and I cried a little. He had no idea why I was crying though, because he of course was not trying to hurt my feelings. This song would have helped us through this awkward lesson.

8. I Know You Love Your Brother and That’s Really Sweet, But Please Don’t Touch His Eyeballs. – Pretty self explanatory.

9. Why Do You Take 400 Pictures Of the Same Exact Thing? – I know that TV wires hanging around all messy are intriguing, but can I not have a million pictures documenting the disarray that is our living quarters? Why do you do this?

10. Where Did You Find That Sharpie?/Writing Is For Paper – Not for walls, or tables, or chairs, or brothers, or yourself. Not even if you are turning yourselves into tigers or dalmatians. No paper, no writing. And where did you even find that Sharpie? I have never bought Sharpies in my life.

Feel free to sing any of these to your children, in any melody you wish. What songs would you add

Join in the Halloween Fun at Roger Williams Park Zoo’s Spooky Zoo!

By

Lindsey Galvao

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October 26, 2017

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We are so glad that through our partnership with Roger Williams Park Zoo, we can give our readers more information about the Zoo's fun family activities like Spooky Zoo!

Roger the Red Panda, Roger William Park Zoo’s Mascot

Halloween is a tricky holiday in our household. While my oldest daughter loves dressing up and trick-or-treating, she is easily scared by villains, witches, goblins, or anything that goes bump in the night. Her fears, combined with a feisty toddler thrown into the mix, make finding the right Halloween festivities a bit more challenging. I’m constantly on the lookout for wholesome family fun that’s enjoyable for all of us. That’s why I’m so excited Spooky Zoo is back this weekend at Roger Williams Park Zoo.

It’s almost like Roger Williams Park Zoo heard my pleas to make Halloween not scary and turned them into the perfect event by offering a smorgasbord of excellent activities that can accommodate both toddlers and school aged children. Starting at 10:30, children can enjoy trick-or-treating on the Treat Trail by the red wolf exhibit (but only while supplies last, so don’t miss out!) For my dance and music loving kindergartener, the Zoo offers interactive music with dance parties in Hasbro’s Our Big Backyard and a drumming circle. For my toddler obsessed with animals, the Zoo will have its annual Pumpkin Stomp with the elephants on Sunday, as well as fun animal encounters with hedgehogs, snakes, turtles, skunks, or even a surprise animal throughout the weekend. Plus, there’s the chance to hang out with Roger the Red Panda, the Zoo’s adorable, furry mascot.

If you’ve got a Star Wars enthusiast in your household, be sure to visit Spooky Zoo on Saturday to enjoy some time with Star Wars characters. If you’ve got a RI ComicCon fan, plan your trip to Spooky Zoo for Sunday. And don’t forget to head over to their photo booth to capture these memories in print (instead of just having them sit in your camera roll on your iPhone!)

The best part? Costumes are encouraged! In fact, children 12 and under who come to Roger Williams Park Zoo in costume get in for half price.

The Providence Moms Blog team can’t wait to celebrate Spooky Zoo this weekend. We hope to see you there!

Spooky Zoo, Roger Williams Park Zoo’s daytime Halloween event is back on Saturday, October 28 and Sunday, October 29 from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm. This event is free with Zoo admission. Children 12 and under dressed in costume get in for half price. All activities are weather permitting and while supplies last. For more information rwpzoo.org.

“Kid” Snack Foods that Make Life Better

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Kim Votruba-Matook

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October 26, 2017

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While enjoying dessert munching on graham crackers one night, I realized 1) I love graham crackers and 2) the only reason I have graham crackers in my house is because I have kids. This seemed wrong and a little sad…I forgot how much I really enjoy graham crackers! After a quick scan around my dining room and kitchen, I realized there are A LOT of foods that our house would be lacking if not for our wee ones. Why did it take having little humans to bring the following delicious items back into our diet?

Goldfish – This stuff is addicting. And SO salty. And now they’re different colors, different flavors and themed! (I have feelings about the pink princess-themed goldfish, but that’s for another blog post). It’s like the food version of Pokemon…you gotta try ’em all!
Cheerios (Plain) – I know they are recommended as good practice finger food for littles…and that’s how they get you! You’re trying to empower your kid to develop motor skills and you get pulled in even deeper with the Cheerio board books where your child is encouraged to put a Cheerio in a certain space within the book to complete a picture. It’s habit forming! Cheerios, you’re brilliant.
Juice – Our kids don’t drink juice that often. Really not at all. But whenever we’re at a kid’s party and there are juice boxes, my husband and I drink up (and occasionally take some home). Getting a hold of those little boxes and bags full of sweet, sweet nectar can sometimes be better than a beer. Sometimes.
Savory crackers – Not only do we have crackers more often in the house, our newest discovery is nut crackers. Almond and pecan crackers have been a welcome addition to our salty snack menu. Thanks to our kids. Not at all because of our curious palettes.
Pretzels (assorted varieties) – I know, again with the salt. But pretzels are a little “healthier” (if anyone is keeping score). We usually get the thick pretzel sticks, and also dabble with peanut-butter-filled pretzels and the thin round pretzels in the small pre-portioned bags. This one is a puzzle…there is nothing exclusively kid-like about pretzels. But it is now a staple of our snack table.
Fruit snacks – These are so good! And definitely conjure childhood memories for me. Now they’re “organic” so that counts for something, right? We don’t have these too often because my kids love actual fruit and eat it by the fistful. But when we do, they are always a hit for all members of our family.
Popsicles – These came back into our lives per suggestion of our pediatrician. Popsicles (sugar-free) are a good way to help a kid hydrate when they are sick. Totally worth repeated purchases. Then we found more varieties…and with real fruit included and they have been in our freezer ever since. Yum.
Granola bars – Again, nothing that screams “kid food” exactly about this, but when we found out that our kids like and eat granola bars at day care, we hopped on the bandwagon and always put them on our shopping list.
Sweet crackers – Last but not least, graham crackers and animal crackers! THEY ARE AMAZING! Both my husband and I eat these crackers regularly as/with dessert and snack. For me these crackers bring back yummy memories from my childhood days. Sometimes we finish them…without regret or guilt that our kids won’t get to enjoy them the next day. Don’t worry, kiddos, there will be a lot in life you’ll enjoy at our expense. Let us have your snacks.

I am sure there are more, but I am full right now and wouldn’t dare scarf more down for the sake of this blog post. Don’t worry, my husband and I will continue to enjoy our current snack selection along with our two little eating machines. My hope is that we again don’t outgrow the food we love. Whether they bring back wonderful childhood memories for us or are just gosh darn delicious we deserve snack-y solace, too. Happy munching from our family to yours!

Halloween: a Little For Them, a Little For Me

By

Robin Barton

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October 25, 2017

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Fall: a time for apple picking, hayrides, and all the pumpkin spice lattes you could want. For children, the biggest highlight of the season is typically Halloween. The opportunity for scoring candy and dressing up is just about as fun as it gets for most kids.

But when I was growing up, Halloween was just “alright.” Don’t get me wrong; my mother made me some great handmade costumes ranging from Oreo cookie to Statue of Liberty to a sunflower.

I just never remember waiting for Halloween with any great anticipation. Perhaps it is because I never trick or treated in the traditional sense. My Halloween evening started and ended in the car as my parents and I visited family.

Unlike most of my peers, the holiday highlight of my autumn was Thanksgiving. Don’t get me wrong; I still have good childhood memories of Halloween. It just wasn’t a date on the calendar that instilled a great sense of excitement. I mean, what kid gets more excited about mashed potatoes than Kit Kats? (For the record, I find mashed potatoes and Kit Kats equally exciting as an adult).

But as I got older, I began to discover a delayed love affair with Halloween. It started when we were first married and we began hosting annual Halloween parties. We had games and costume contests. Friends would plan their costumes months in advance.

As time passed though, our friends had children, and we had our first. Suddenly it wasn’t very feasible to fit all of those people in our little house. So, our annual shindigs went by the wayside.

I quickly found my concept and appreciation of Halloween was reinvented again. It was so much fun to dress up my older son as a tiger on his first Halloween. Once we had our second child, the costume game ramped up.

My older son declared he wanted to be an elephant the year of his brother’s first Halloween (he clearly loves animals). I thought it would be fun if our boys coordinated. With no ability to sew like my Mom, I set out to piece together wallet-friendly ringmaster costume.

I relished in the challenge of putting that costume together, and of course, in how adorable they looked together! I also began to appreciate my older son’s excitement for Halloween through his eyes. He was 3 that year and started to really understand the concept of the holiday.

My eagerness for Halloween has grown with each passing year. Coordinating their costumes has turned into something fun for them and me. Subsequent costumes have been Yukon Cornelius and the Abominable Snow Monster from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Superman and Clark Kent.

However, I am keenly aware the days where they can “coordinate” are growing short. My little one, now 3, is now forming his own costume opinions. These opinions may not always be in sync with his brother’s choice. And that’s okay. I clearly want them to express their individuality, but I’ll certainly not turn them down if they have similar interests.

Costumes aside, I have discovered how much fun traditional trick-or-treating really is through my children. Watching them go door-to-door alongside their cousins warms my heart. Additionally, seeing the smiling faces handing out candy to a gaggle of children reminds me there are still good, warm-hearted people in the world.

What I’m trying to say is, Halloween is so much better now than I ever thought it was when I was a kid! Eventually my kids will think dressing up and trick-or-treating are “uncool.” Until that happens though, I intend savoring Halloween through their childlike lens.

Oh, and I’ll also be sure to enjoy one (or 10) of Kit Kats they acquire.

A Lazy Mom’s Halloween Week Lunch Ideas

By

Tracy Slater

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October 23, 2017

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I’m not that mom. Notes in the kids’ lunch boxes, lovingly and intricately curated Bento Boxes, elaborate decorations for each holiday? Nope, nope, nope. Although I love to cook a good meal, Martha Stewart I am not. I get a little into Christmas decorating and occasionally get a bit of Pinterest fever for the kids’ birthdays, but overall I’m a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Seasonal Adorableness. I blame my mother. She’s far worse than I am and takes particular pride in this trait of hers. Unfortunately, I have a kindergartner who is delighted by all seasonal decorations. Yesterday morning he woke up, bounded out of bed, and declared it to be “Decorate the House for Halloween” Day. And here I was thinking it was “Eat Bacon for Breakfast and Maybe Fold Some Laundry” Day. But since the small people in this house seem to be in charge, there are now cobwebs in the corners of the playroom, plastic spiders everywhere, and I’m feeling like I should get over myself and festive it up a little bit. Luckily for me, it’s 2017 and Pinterest exists so I can be pretend to be creative without breaking much of a sweat. Here’s a few of the cute ideas I came across to add a little fun to his lunch box this week. Enjoy!

Martha Level: Beginner

Where are my mamas who can barely get lunches packed, never mind get creative with them? We’re in luck. We can toss some festive food into the kiddos’ lunch boxes with nothing more than a sharpie and food that is probably in the house already. In addition to the pictures below, I saw faces drawn on upside down vanilla pudding cups (ghosts) and bananas (ghouls?). Thanks to My Life As I Pin It and Under Construction, for the ideas!

lazy mom lunch Halloween ideas Providence Moms Blog — Image Credit: My Life as I Pin It

Martha Level: Intermediate

These require a little advanced planning and may not be for those of us who find themselves packing lunches 5 minutes before the bus rolls up, but are still pretty manageable. If you’re like me and found some long forgotten cookie cutters shaped like pumpkins, ghosts, and cats at the bottom of the Halloween bucket, you can even take the sandwich up a notch. Thanks to Sweet and Lovely Crafts, Be Different Act Normal, and Little Diary on the Prairie for the ideas!

Martha Level: Expert

Okay, so my classification of these as expert level probably says a lot about me. These are obviously all pretty doable but are a bit too much lunch box commitment for me. (Actually, I’m pretty sure I have both Ritz Crackers and tiny pretzels in the cabinet. Since I’ve managed to work myself up into a Halloween frenzy over here, those spiders might happen). Thanks to Listotic, One Little Project, and Like Mother, Like Daughter for the ideas!

Hope your little monsters enjoy some fun in their lunches this week. Be sure to follow Providence Moms Blog on Pinterest for these and more ideas.

A Few More Moments of Childhood: a Game of Manhunt

By

Melissa Brusso

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October 23, 2017

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Manhunt Providence Moms Blog — Gaspee boys, circa 1976. photo credit: Mr. Rooney

The voices ring through my open windows.

Aggressive, shouting, young-man voices. I consider going to the window to see what’s up, but before I do, I hear one of the voices call out, Miller! I realize that the voices belong to my neighbor’s son and his friends, and so I stay put and take advantage of the peace of my own empty house; a glass of La Maldita in one hand, and a TV remote in the other.

A handful of middle school boys are stationed outside the house two doors down. They negotiate rules, bark orders and counter-orders, pause to wrestle for a minute, agree to terms, and take off in different directions, or at least I think this is what it sounds like. Which, in a city neighborhood, means that they take off just down the block, into the side yard and backyard. It sounds like a game of Manhunt. They holler over each other to be heard, calling each other by last names, as young men do.

It’s a cool, late summer evening, just starting to get dark. It’s that time of day when, for generations, kids play games of Hide and Seek and Manhunt and Truth or Dare, and older kids don’t play so much as they hang out, doing cartwheels on front lawns, sitting in coed groups, picking grass and throwing it at each other, hiding in doorways and scaring each other. This is a less common sound in my neighborhood–we don’t have packs of kids who all go to the same school and show up at each other’s houses uninvited. We import the friends from other neighborhoods and towns, and it involves driving and arranging until they are old enough to get themselves around. But now and then, we hear the man-voices of a group of friends as they give in to the urge to be boys for a little bit longer.

I’m taken back to nights just like this, a few summers ago but also just five minutes ago, when JJ and one of his buddies ran through yards and chased each other for hours, with high-powered water guns found in the garage. They alarmed the neighbors with their yelling and annoyed them by sprinting past windows. They were having a throwback moment, playing like little kids, but sounding like men. A few weeks later, these boyhood games ended–eclipsed by an explosion of classes and locker combinations and soccer practices and girls–as they started high school. I’m sure they were not aware (I was only half aware myself) that this was the last summer night when they would be running around like this.

On this night, I’m home alone, not worrying about one of the boys breaking a bone on my watch, or accidentally shooting water into a neighbor’s window. I have a whole new set of worries. This summer, there was no water war. The buddy now has his license, and this summer, they have wheels. They work at soccer camp, they go to the beach, to the movies, to Thayer Street, to friends’ houses. They play pickup soccer games and stumble into mini-golf and plan a Golf Crawl, hitting three mini-golf courses and one 9-hole course in one day. On this night, he has gone to a scary movie with a friend (girlfriend?), and I’m here with a glass of wine and some uninterrupted Netflix. I was happy, but now the man-boys outside have made me wistful and nostalgic.

The scrum at my neighbor’s house breaks up and the group passes by, in the street, on foot and on skateboards, maybe a bike, talking loudly as they go, like a scene from one of so many coming-of-age movies.

I hear an emphatic, That is so gross! before their voices fade and disappear.

Holiday Photos in 10 Easy Steps

By

Ashley Lint

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October 22, 2017

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Find a photographer in September. No seriously; that’s when they book for holiday sessions. Crazy, I know.
Spend hours on Pinterest finding the perfect color pallet for your family to wear. Who’s a winter, who’s an autumn, and will this color clash with their eyes? Pin 100 photos of well put together families frolicking around a tree farm and imagine how wonderful your photos will look.
Start shopping. This should be fun right? Wrong. These somehow become the most stressful clothing shopping trips.
Buy outfits, at separate stores obviously, and bring them all home only to realize that you hate them all and are quickly back to square one.
Head back to Pinterest, preferably with a bottle of your favorite adult beverage and/or pint of ice cream.
Make the mistake of asking your husband for input on your outfit choices. Spend the rest of the night staring him down and shooting him evil glances because: “I don’t care, just pick whatever you want.”
Go back to a store you’ve already been to twice, find a dress you already bought and returned, and fall in love. Find the toddler the dress you saw online, in her size! Find your husband the perfect plaid shirt in the perfect colors to match your dress. Buy your tween’s dress on Amazon while you’re waiting to check out at the store. Accomplish this in a matter of 15 minutes which is all the time it should have taken in the first place.
Text your friends way too many photos of your outfits in different lighting with different accessories. Thankfully your friends know to just praise your choices for fear of being dragged out on another shopping excursion. Plan hair, shower schedules, what time you need to leave. Find the ideal pose for your family and picture how wonderful your new family photos will look over the mantle.
Spend the morning of photos stressing out about anything, snap at your husband and kids a few times. Load everyone into the car, stop for munchkins because no good picture comes without bribery, and arrive in the nick of time for your time slot. Plead with your children through clenched teeth, tickle them, and pray to the photo gods for a few good shots.
Wait for what seems like years (in reality maybe two weeks) for your photos. Realize your photographer is a genius and your children look almost angelic. Spend the next week of your life picking out the favorite holiday card to send out. This includes screenshots, links, and late night texts to your friend. Realize it’s now mid-November, pick out the cheapest card you don’t hate, order with 1 hour printing and call it a day.

The following year you tell yourself it will be different, that you’ll be more organized and put together. Fall will inevitably come and you’ll scramble again; maybe even swear off family photos in the future. But when you finally sit down at night and see your photos hanging ever so nicely in your destroyed living room you realize, maybe, just maybe it was all worth it.

My First Love Confession, 20 Years Later

By

Anonymous

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October 20, 2017

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When I was 16, I met a guy. A boy. He wasn’t a football player, he wasn’t popular, and he didn’t come from much. But all that he wasn’t somehow made him so much MORE to me. He was what every teenage girl looks for: cute, rebellious, tough, and from another town. And before long, we were head over heels “in love.”

Within a month we were spending every free moment together. Every day my mother or my friends would drive me to his house after school and his mother would drive me home. Our parents tried to put the breaks on, but once he got his own car, it was useless. We were inseparable. He made me feel beautiful, sexy, and smart. Yes, at 16 years old, I felt sexy. Our relationship was like none I had ever had. He was only a year older, but he was much more experienced. I had never been loved both physically and emotionally with so much passion. We were happy.

Obsession turned to passion and quickly turned into control. I couldn’t go anywhere unless I was with him. And I didn’t want to. I couldn’t talk to another guy, even my childhood friends, unless he was there. Truth be told, it went both ways. He loved me and jealousy was part of the deal.

I remember one night, I said something he didn’t like at party and he dragged me out to the hall by my arm. It wasn’t the first time he grabbed this way. We had both been drinking and we were arguing in the stairwell. Then he pushed me. HARD. I fell down a few stairs and he immediately rushed to my side. I was crying, he was crying. Then he apologized, and I did too. I APOLOGIZED. We kissed and made up. It was volatile and I ATE IT UP.

Month after month it continued. We fought more often and over lesser things. He grabbed, pulled, and shoved me. Sometimes into a wall, sometimes leaving the imprint of his finger tips on my arm. I hid the bruises and never told anyone what was happening. When it wasn’t physical, it was emotional. No longer pretty and smart, I was chubby and stupid. But because he never raised a hand to hit me, I honestly thought it was okay. Looking back, I was kidding myself. I would’ve accepted anything he dished out. Even if he had actually hit me. This was love. We loved each other.

Our relationship ended when he met someone else at work and dumped me like a piece of trash. A two year ride on an emotional roller coaster ended with a brief phone call and the sound of her voice in the background. I was devastated and became depressed. I drank a lot and slept a lot. I fought with my family and friends. I never told any of them what had gone on, although I now know that some of them already knew.

About five years later he somehow got my number and asked me to dinner. I couldn’t say no. I don’t know why. Maybe he still had some control over me even after all that time. He was not how I remembered him. He was still cute, which I hated, but he seemed smaller somehow. When he apologized for the way he left things and for how treated me, I brushed it off. “It’s fine; it was nothing. We were just kids.”

But the reality is even though I can see now how sick and wrong it all was, I still consider him my first love. And it wasn’t nothing. When your first encounter with “love” is like that, it affects you in ways you can’t imagine. It affects your future relationships. When I finally got over my first love, I met a great guy. He was smart and nice; the opposite of everything my previous boyfriend was. But I was obsessive and jealous. I needed to be with him 24/7. It was the only way I knew how to date. After a few months, it got to be too much and he broke it off. When I first met my husband, our relationship was rocky and had its own issues, some of which I am sure stem from what happened to me more than 20 years ago.

I know I wasn’t the only one who went through this when I was younger. There were other girls in my school who were in similar or worse situations. And it doesn’t seem to be changing. Today’s statistics say that 1.5 million teenage girls and boys in the U.S admit to being intentionally hit or physically hurt by someone they are romantically involved with. How many think it’s normal or okay? How many of them don’t admit it? Unfortunately as parents, it’s another thing we have to be on the look out for.

If you or anyone you know is afraid, feeling controlled, or being physically or emotionally abused, please speak out to someone you trust. Or contact The National Domestic Abuse Hotline at #800-799-SAFE. Or visit www.thehotline.org for more helpful information.

Sojourner House is a comprehensive domestic and sexual violence agency providing programs and supportive services to victims of domestic and sexual violence and children who witness abuse in the greater Rhode Island community. Since 1976, Sojourner House has served over 60,000 victims and survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Every day, Sojourner House receives requests for assistance from individuals in abusive relationships. Thanks to their supporters, Sojourner House is able to offer support groups, one-on-one advocacy, immigration advocacy, crisis intervention, HIV testing, emergency shelter, and more.

If you or someone you know is in a violent relationship, please seek help. Advocates are available 24/7 through the helpline: 401-765-3232. In the case of an emergency, always call 911.

Moms in the Arts: An Interview with Ali Angelone

By

Tracy Slater

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October 19, 2017

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I love everything about musicals. The first musical I fell in love with was The Phantom of the Opera. It was my 10th birthday, and my parents brought me to see it in Toronto. I remember being completely enchanted. To this day, the same magical feeling comes over me each time I set foot in a theater to see a live show. So I was tremendously excited to talk to Ali Angelone, Assistant Professor of Musical Theater, Director, and Choreographer at Dean College, Lecturer at Providence College, and mother to an adorable 15 month old son, Lynden. I was even more excited to hear that the latest show she’s directing (Oh My God You Guys!) is Legally Blonde The Musical. In my fantasy world, Ali’s life consists of singing and dancing and hanging out with Reese Witherspoon and Laura Bell Bundy. However, after chatting with her for about 15 minutes, I was exhausted. The reality is that between teaching and lecturing during the day, directing at night, and carving out one on one time for her son, Ali has a lot of balls in the air. Oh, and she’s also pregnant.

How, I marvel, does she balance it all? For Ali, it’s all about preparation. “I make a schedule for myself: this is when I wake up, this is when I take care of the baby, this is when I go to work, this is when I prep for rehearsal, this is when the baby goes to bed, this is when I prep again, this is when I make the food for the next day for all of us, and this is when I go to sleep, and this is the amount of sleep I try to get every night.” (Seven hours of sleep is the magical number for which Ali strives, in case you were wondering).

Ali acknowledges that finding time to fit in everything is a challenge now that her son is older. “When he was a baby, he would sleep for three hour chunks, so I could work then.” But after teaching all day, Ali now needs to wait until after her son goes to bed at 7pm to start working again. Throwing rehearsals into the mix further complicates her work schedule. “Next week when rehearsals start, I’ll be at work five nights a week, and six or seven nights a week as the show gets closer. I’m keeping them all nighttime rehearsals because of Lynden. If I leave the house at 5:30, my husband can just feed him dinner and put him to bed and I won’t feel as guilty because he will be just sleeping anyway.”

I have to ask: is it hard to maintain this pace? As I listen to Ali describe her jam-packed schedule, it becomes clear there is a lot of both juggling and self-discipline involved. “We all have to find a balance in life and I’m still working on it. I tell my students, ‘you have to make a schedule for yourself, which has to include time for you, time for sleep, and time to take care of your health. Doing a show requires stamina, so throw some cardio in there.'”

Ali has thrown all my misconceptions about the glamour of theater life out the window. She reminds me that “theater is a discipline. It’s not all fun and games, and there are some times when I’m totally exhausted and I just want to lie down.” But to keep her busy schedule afloat, Ali has to stay focused and organized.

And what does that work look like? I couldn’t help but giggle as Ali describes how she stages her shows. “I usually work in the kitchen because that’s the biggest floor space. I use forks and spoons as people.” I confess to her that I imagine her family just running around singing all the time. She admits to singing and listening to musicals constantly, although she is quick to point out that it is just her: “my husband completely supports the arts and comes to my performances, but singing is not his forte.” Ali loves that they are so different. I love their courtship story; they met on a faculty bus tour five days after she moved to North Dakota – don’t you feel like that could be the start of a musical?

Ali’s love of musical theater started in her childhood. When I ask her how she got involved in theater, it seems that she was born to be an artist and director. “As a kid, I was always creating dances and stories. I used to sell fake tickets in the neighborhood and my friends and I would use our recital costumes and put on little plays or dances for our neighbors. I started dancing at three, and that was the first time I was on a stage in front of other people. I just fell in love with it. I did theater camps, plays in school, and the older I got, the more classes I took.”

Ali was able to develop into an artist because of the support of her parents. “My mom started putting me in theater camps because she knew I loved it so much.” Even with her parents’ blessing and love however, neither of them realized that Ali’s passion for theater would turn into her future career. “I don’t think either one of them thought that I would be doing this forever. When you’re 17 or 18 years old and saying this, your parents aren’t going to believe you. But I always knew I wanted to work in the arts. I knew I wanted to wake up every single day and love what I do. And I worked really hard to be able to do that: blood, sweat, and tears. But I’m thankful for that.” For Ali, her dedication and commitment to her work has made her a better artist and a better teacher. Despite all the juggling and limited downtime, she loves going to work every single day.

What is her advice for parents of kids who seem theatrically inclined? “ I think that every child interested in the arts should start in dance. It’s a great way to get them on the stage and they don’t have to talk yet. If you want to do more later in life you have to be a triple threat of a dancer, singer, and actor, and if you’re not taking dance as a child it’s hard to pick up later. Exposure to singing in general is great, so sign them up for a music class.” And when they get a little bit older, Ali recommends putting them in summer theater camps to give them more exposure to the arts. “If they really love it they will let you know, and then you can explore more. Look for productions in and around New England looking for child actors, and then just audition for shows.” Her favorite places for children to get started in the arts are East Bay Music Together, Just Dance, and Kaleidoscope Theater.

Does she hope Lynden will be theatrical? Ali laughs and admits that she would love to see him be her little performer. How does she encourage it? “I was directing Bye Bye Birdie when I was pregnant with Lynden, so literally from the womb he has been listening to musical theater repertoire. I’ll listen to musical theater when we go for a walk so I can be thinking of staging while spending time with him. He knows the songs to Legally Blonde already, and he’ll dance to “Oh My God You Guys.” And we watch a lot of movies with music because he loves music. He’s been taking music class since he was six months old, and I recently put him in dance class. He can’t really sing yet, but he tries. And we always look for events, even story time at the library so that he can hear character voices. I just try to immerse him into the arts as much as I possibly can.”

Like all of us, Ali struggles with feeling the need to be the perfect mother. A self-proclaimed “Type A personality,” Ali admits to having trouble letting go of control: “I teach the senior showcase class and we take them to NYC every March to audition for casting directors. Since I have to leave for a couple of days here and there, I find myself doing way more than I need to do, even though I know Lynden is with his father. I label everything. I prep all the food. I actually Ziploc his clothes in bags, and I will label them ‘outfit for Saturday day’ or ‘pajamas for Saturday night.’ You name it, I do it. And my husband will say, ‘you don’t have to do all that,’ and I’m like, ‘yes I do because I don’t know what he’d wear tomorrow if I don’t.’ Letting go of that control is really hard for me to do. I’ll take on more than I need to instead of just letting my husband or my mother do it. And it adds more work to my schedule. I’m still trying to be that perfect mom.”

Having trouble letting go is something that I think most of us can relate to. We commiserate about mom guilt, but Ali is quick to say that she has no regrets about the choices she is making and the hard work she is putting into her career.

“I think it’s good for my son to see what I do because he’ll know that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. He’ll know that his mother was hardworking, but that she always made time for him. So I don’t choose one over the other. I want to be happy too, because if I’m happy then I’ll be the best mother I can be for him, so I don’t regret not being able to stay home every single day. I want him to see that women can work, be successful, and also be a parent. Not just men. He sees daddy leave for work in the morning and daddy comes home and daddy puts him to bed and reads his book. But it’s important for him to see that women can do this too. I want him to know that everyone is equal. I want to raise strong, kind boys.”

I ask if Ali has anything to add, and I love her answer: “My favorite quote is ‘an artist’s work is never done.’ That means my work is never done either. I never get comfortable in what I’m doing. I’m always learning because I think that’s what makes a strong teacher. Who you are as a person is who you are as an artist and a teacher. So I always strive to be a better person, and Lynden helps me to be a better person. My patience level has gotten so much stronger because of him. And he helps me to slow down, which is really nice. He has taught me to stop, take it all in, and smell the roses instead of just go go go. So I’m thankful for him. Even on the tough days.”

At Providence Moms Blog, we are passionate about the amazing multi-dimensionality of motherhood and aim to support mothers in their role as “mom” while encouraging them to honor all the other aspects of their identity. We believe that the arts are an essential part of what makes us human and encourage all moms to make the arts a part of their own and their children’s lives. We are proud to partner with Rhode Island School of Design’s Continuing Education Program for this series.

RISD Continuing Education educates students of all ages in art and design with high quality, accessible programs, courses, lectures, and workshops. Registration for winter classes opens on Monday, November 6, 2017 and classes will begin on January 6th, 2018.

RISD CE offers courses for adults in the fine and applied arts and design at beginning, intermediate, and advanced levels. You’ll find a range of options to explore the world of art and design and RISD’s flexible course schedules meet the needs of today’s adult learners and their busy lifestyles. Options include 3-hour and weekend workshops, 6-12 session courses, and full certificate programs.

RISD’s Young Artist Program (ages 6-17) helps students make their mark as they create, build, make, and dream big through courses in 2D, 3D, digital art and design, as well as STEAM courses.
Saturday courses are offered year-round, and week-long vacation camps are offered in the winter, spring, and summer. Teens can enroll in one of four certificate programs to broaden their skills or prepare for a future in art and design.

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#MeToo?

By

Guest Author

-

October 18, 2017

1

Me too?

Because I don’t know.

No, that isn’t right. I’m inured to it, I guess. I’ve never technically been sexually assaulted or raped, so I don’t want to falsely claim an allegiance tangentially. Not that I’m not upset, or think that survivors or I were ever in the wrong, but… I grew up with it. Old school? Too prevalent? I don’t know what to call it.

I do know a few things though:

I’ve been catcalled.

I’ve been pressured into going a little further than I wanted to.

I’ve had to have sexually charged conversations where the “wrong” word would have led to far more sensitive situations.

I’ve been locked in a room for hours with a naked man four years older than me, where only my wits and charming demeanor kept me from having to have sex when I was unwilling.

I’ve been called baby. Pretty. Darlin. Love. Sweetie. Honey. Girlie. Sweething. You. Bitch….. And those are only what I’m called in my workplace.

I’m sure I’ve been called worse. I know that I’ve been put in terrible situations. I know that I’ve been pressured into wearing “sexy” outfits that I tried desperately to pull off and pushed into acting far more mature than I had any understanding of.

But I’m still hesitant to claim the “#metoo.”

Why is that? I was raised to be an independent woman and to never NEED a man. Dudes are great, whatever, but I don’t need one to live my life. What I NEEDED was to complete my education. What I NEEDED was to do me on my terms.

There’s a song from the ’60s called “Bobby’s Girl,” and growing up, my dad and I had the best time rewriting the lyrics. When Marcie Blaine sang “I wanna be BOBBY’S GIRL…” my father and I would have a field day over dubbing the lyrics. “I wanna be, a DOCTOR OR A LAWYER…. I wanna be ANYTHING ELSE…” It was juvenile, it was silly, but it was important and it had a lasting effect on six year old me. I’m 35, and to this day, when “Bobby’s Girl” comes on the radio, I still call my dad and sing my latest rendition of the tribulations I’m facing. I do not submit to being “just” Bobby’s girl. As I learned early on, I’m worth far more than being any man’s trophy or plaything.

I have two daughters. They are smart. They are brave. They are social. They are beautiful. I fear that I am failing them every day. I want them to remain exactly as willful and independent as they currently are, but even now, even though I’m touting individuality as often as I can, my five year old is finding it easier to mute her voice and blend in with the crowd.

It breaks my heart.

I felt the same way growing up. It’s the prevailing mob mentality isn’t it? Sweep everything under the rug, everything will be fine eventually. Just act normal and you’ll be fine. I survived, but it took me a very long time, very strong parents, and some very good friends to be able to find my voice in high school. To find where my “everything is going to be fine” needed to be replaced with “no, I’m not okay with this and it needs to change.” I don’t want my baby to have to “just survive” that long, existing in that space of uncertainty. I don’t want to have to explain over and over and over again, like my parents did, that boys are not the judge and jury regarding what she likes and how she acts. I want her to be confident in herself. I want her to feel secure in her decision that her pink leopard print skirt matches her purple polka dot shirt, because “look mama, the shirt has pink eyes!” Right now, she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. As long as it’s right in her eyes, it’s the only logical solution, my opinion be damned. It kills me that other people, people who don’t even matter, will eventually overtake her mind’s eye.

It’s not fair. It’s not right.

And I don’t know what to do. She’s far more sensitive than I ever was. My youngest will happily tell you to screw off while smiling sweetly, but my eldest… How can I protect her? Why do I HAVE to protect her? Why do I have to explain the #metoo? I hope, by the time she’s old enough, by the time her sister is old enough, #metoo will be passé, just something that got everyone talking, but quickly amounted to a bullet point, because the world said, “WTF, stop hurting half our population because you feel inadequate,” and then everyone listened.

Please. My girls are perfect as they are. They’re going to have to deal with their crazy mother; they don’t need any more hang ups. Let them be themselves. Let ALL girls be themselves, without any fear, or condemnation, or prejudice, or sexualization, or discomfort.

Don’t let them need to write an article justifying their reaction to something like #metoo.

Keri Slater was raised in Cumberland, RI, then was moved to the backwoods country of Rhode Island during high school. It was there that she found her love of writing: being stuck so far from civilization and forced to only communicate through late night AIM sessions, she started a poetry journal. (So emo) She graduated from college, and after a brief sojourn back to the woods, moved to Massachusetts with the love of her life. They married and now have 2 amazing daughters and a very cute, but very annoying, Boston Terrier. Keri is a staffing manager by trade, which has the added benefit of giving her a look into the psyche of many different types of people. In her time off, she coaches her eldest’s soccer team, volunteers with their Daisy Scout troop, and enjoys reading, attempting to catch up on sleep, and pretty much any Pinot Grigio.

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Hope your little monsters enjoy some fun in their lunches this week. Be sure to follow Providence Moms Blog on Pinterest for these and more ideas.

I do know a few things though:

It breaks my heart.

It’s not fair. It’s not right.

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