Letter to My Tween Daughter

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letter to my tween daughter Providence Moms BlogDear Miss J,

You may have noticed that I give you a lot of advice.  I feel it is my job to share my life experiences with you and help you make good and informed decisions.  As a realist, I also know that like generations of teens and tweens before you, you will likely ignore much of this advice and make the same mistakes I made.  On the off-chance that you are listening (even to just a small percentage of what I say), here are a few things I would like you to know:

  • Don’t worry about 5 pounds, bad hair days, or whether you have a pimple.  You are most likely the only one who will notice and while it might bother you, it is pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
  • Invest in comfortable shoes and sunscreen.  Both will serve you well in the long run.  
  • Don’t change for anyone.  One time you asked me what kind of girl do boys like, and I explained that the right boy will like you for who you are.  There is no need to pretend to be someone you are not.  They figure out the lie eventually.
  • You may see kids acting stupid because they think people will not like them if they seem smart.  Never dumb it down.  If you are in trouble and you need help, you want Sheryl Sandberg or Ruth Bader Ginsberg in your corner – not the person who thinks that “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
  • Failure is OK.  Try lots of different things to discover what you love.  This is the age when you can fail all you want with minimal repercussions.
  • Your heart will be broken at least once.  I assure you that no matter who he is, he is not worth it.
  • Don’t worry about having dozens of friends.  A few tried and true ones are what really matter.  If you have 3 or 4 people you can call with a crisis at 2 in the morning, you are doing all right.
  • Understand that friendships ebb and flow depending on where you are in your life and that is OK.  
  • If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.  You are at the age where you have great skin and hair with natural highlights.  Leave them alone.  And PLEASE do not wash your face with hand soap.
  • Cherish your family even when they drive you nuts.  It is just because we love you.
  • Don’t worry about growing up too quickly.  You will have responsibilities soon enough.  

If you pay attention to all of this advice, the next 10-15 years will go very smoothly.  If you don’t and you make lots of mistakes, I will be a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason and, if you are lucky, I will not say that I told you so.

Love, Mommy

 

 

I Am Disillusioned With Time. It’s The Worst.

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Providence Moms Blog disillusioned time worst guiltMy son is turning four this month. I am freaking out a little. Where did the time go?

Why can’t I remember all the long days of my little man as a newborn? God knows I took enough photos! They now seem to have flown by. On the flip side, why does time feel like it stands still when he acts his age and has a tantrum? Or goes in slo-mo when I can see my kids’ roughhousing climaxing into an injury? Why can’t we fast forward through that?!

Let me interrupt and qualify my inquiry [read: rant] by stating that I am married to an engineer and I saw the movie Interstellar, so clearly I am an expert on the concept of time. And I think it’s stupid. It is relative, yet confining. And it causes me angst.

Time is a measure of something that I don’t often want measured. It very easily correlates with guilt. During the TIME I am at my full-time job or working as a vendor at a weekend art show for my side business, I feel guilty about not being with my kids. For the TIME I am with my kids, I look around my house and see unfinished projects and dirty…everything. I very easily retreat into a “scarcity mindset” and fall to the comfort of the cliche “there’s just not enough hours in the day!” Stupid day, get some more hours so I can feel productive and NOT guilty about how I choose to spend my time. Honestly.

Then there are days when I finally sit down at night, think back, and wonder how I spent my time. On a typical work day, I see/spend time with my kids for 2-2.5 hours. I see coworkers for 8.5. That is frustratingly ill-proportioned. Then I feel guilty that I am wasting my time sitting down and I get up to do something “productive.”

Then something happens that forces me to assess my perspective on time. A life event, say, or more poignantly, a death. It brings to light that I don’t know what TIME I really have. And provides the not-so-fun opportunity to ask myself how I am spending this unknown amount of TIME. And how I may be taking what I have for granted. Hence, time is the worst.

So now as I notice my son’s chubby baby cheeks thinning out, his vocabulary increasing, and his inquiries maturing, I wonder how quickly our lives are going to fly by. My son somehow picks up on this. One night as I was tucking him in and commenting how late it was, he asked, “Mama, why doesn’t time stop?” 

At first I was caught off guard by the profundity of his question. Then I realized he was stalling before bed (again, stupid time!) I recovered with an answer about the earth rotating around the sun and the moon rotating around the earth and how that dictates our days and nights. “Oh,” he said, “OK. That makes sense. Thanks, Mama. Good night.”

As I closed the door to his room, I again reflected on how quickly my baby became a clever time-stealing little boy. Despite the intention of the question, it is still deep. It is one for the ages. It leaves me feeling vulnerable. But I’ll think about it later…I have to go do the dishes.

Great Bedtime Books For Young Readers

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Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog
Every family has their own routine, and most likely your evening routine has some reading involved in it. In our home, when nighttime is near, my children become wild animals. They all of a sudden act loud, want to play with loud toys, beg to watch TV, and are nowhere near being ready to fall asleep. It used to be a struggle to get my kids to want to read at night, especially for my 2 year old son. But when I discovered Usborne Books and purchased a variety, my children have become engaged in reading time and look forward to picking out their books before bed! While a majority of our favorite books are Usborne Books, there are also a few that have become our favorites from different authors. If you have young readers, check these out! 

1. Count To 100 

My two and four year old children are really into counting things lately. Since I have been homeschooling them for preschool, I have been doing a lot of research on books that are worth purchasing. Usborne’s “Count To 100” is a great way to engage your reader and encourage them to count to 100! This book contains beautiful illustrations with lots of colors and even metallic shine on some pages! 
Count To 100“: 

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

2. Baby’s Very First Touchy-Feely Book

Usborne also has a great variety of sensory books or touchy feely books with tons of different textures in them. These are AH-mazing. Not only does my 6 month old love these, but my toddler and preschooler love them too. “Baby’s Very First Touchy-Feely Book” and the “That’s Not My” series are great options if you are looking to encourage your young readers. In the “That’s Not My” series, each page has a hidden mouse (fun for toddlers to find while reading), thick black lines which make it easy for young readers to identify objects, and of course, the fun textures! 
Baby’s Very First Touchy-Feely Book“: 
That’s Not My Fox“: 
That’s Not My Mermaid“:

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog  Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

3. Look Inside Your Body 

When my daughter turned three, she started asking a lot of questions about her body. And my two year old son has recently become interested in poop (thanks potty training)! The “Look Inside Your Body Book” is SO incredibly fascinating to them both. It is interactive because of all of the flaps inside the book they can lift open. It is also great because they can choose whether to lift a flap about a certain body part or function if they want to learn more, or they can skip it and move onto the next page. Every time we read this book, my kiddos repeat the facts they learn for weeks. Recently my daughter walked around saying, “you are a grown up and you are bigger than me, but I have more bones in my body than you do!” How fascinating is it that my four year old is learning about bones, and thinks it’s FUN!?
Look Inside Your Body“:  

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

4. ABC Yoga 

This book is one of our regulars. Is there a better way to calm down and relax a child than yoga and reading? How about a book that combines the two? “ABC Yoga” is such a fun read, especially because it is multi-purpose. We love how this book has a yoga pose for every letter in the alphabet and encourages our children to memorize their letters, practice beginning sounds, and copy the poses. I’m not going to lie, you can often find me doing these poses with the kiddos as well, because they are just too much fun to pass up. This is a great book to have for the whole family, and makes for some funny memories. 
ABC Yoga“:

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

5. The Circus Ship

My kids and I absolutely ADORE this book. And I knew it was a winner when my husband asked for it by name one night when he was reading to our littles. The illustrations are bright, adorable, and entertaining. The small paragraphs on each page rhyme and keep the story flowing so nicely! We love how this story teaches kindness and how in the end, the mean circus boss doesn’t get what he wants. When he comes looking for the animals to return to his circus, he can’t find them. The spread where all of the animals blend in and hide from Mr. Payne is so much fun! Can you and your children find all of the hidden animals? 
The Circus Ship“: 

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

6. Very First Book Of Things To Spot Out And About

Another Usborne favorite is the “Things To Spot” series. My two year old is a big fan of this book because it doesn’t feel like reading. I read the short questions to him and he points out the answer in the book, and then beams with pride! Questions include things like “can you spot the balloon with stripes?” and “who is wearing green boots?” This is a fantastic book for recognizing patterns, shapes, colors, measurements, animals, and numbers! 
Very First Book of Things to Spot Out and About“: 

Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

7. American Girl’s Wellie Wishers Series and Usborne’s Billie’s Adventure Series 

These beginner chapter books are great for 4-6 year olds who are curious about learning how to read! My four year old loves the bright illustrations in both of these series and enjoys how friendship and adventure are the main focus in each of the books. The “Wellie Wishers” series has five girl characters who are always exploring together. The beginning of the book introduces the reader to each character and is a great key to refer back to when your child asks “who is Willa? Who is Ashlyn?” Usborne’s “Billie B. Brown Adventure” series is also amazing! There are a few different excursions that Billie B. Brown takes on, including a baking a giant cupcake, traveling in space, and exploring the jungle. They are all great for encouraging young imaginations! 
Billie B. Brown Adventure Series“: 
American Girl Wellie Wishers Series“: 
Great Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms BlogGreat Bedtime Books Young Readers Providence Moms Blog

So Long Sweet Summer: A Teacher’s Reflection at the Start of the Year

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So Long Sweet Summer: A Teacher's Reflection at the Start of the Year Providence Moms Blog

Summer has ended. Right now, some moms are happily ready to send their children back to the routine of the school year. Other moms are sadly walking their children to the bus stop, unexcited to see their little companions go.  Some moms will be sending their babies off to kindergarten, while others will be sending their babies off to their senior year.  Both are wondering how time has passed so quickly. For a few, this is just simply a change of the seasons with new activities to start and adventures to explore.

This mom, however, is the one leaving her babies behind and heading back to school. My eight week stint as a stay at home mom has ended. This week, I become a full time working mom again. I am headed back to my classroom to get ready for a new group of students. To say I am devastated is an understatement.  I am sure in later years, when we are all headed back to school, the transition will be easier. However, right now, this idea gives me no solace.  

Going back to work means no more lazy morning snuggles with the baby. I will not leisurely start the day with giggles, stories, and songs.  That one-on-one time I worked so hard to schedule with each girl this summer is no more. Zoo adventures, the playground, swimming, play dates — they are all reserved for the weekends. I am going to miss watching my preschooler play pretend and my toddler discover more of the world around her. Do not worry — I am aware that I will have a few brief hours after work to enjoy this each night, but I am currently wallowing.  Let me wallow. 

I know that within a couple of weeks we will be back in the swing of things. Our morning routine will begin to run smoothly. I will be less bitter about waking up early (that’s a lie, I am always bitter about having to wake sleeping children). We will rediscover how to make the best of evenings together. My working will become the norm again. 

It won’t be all bad, either. There are some bonuses to working, too. For instance, I will get to interact with other adults and have conversations that have nothing to do with bodily functions. I will get to eat something and not have to share it. Additionally, I will get to drink an entire cup of coffee while it is still hot!

So Long Sweet Summer: A Teacher's Reflection at the Start of the Year Providence Moms Blog

The most comforting thought in all of this is that I love my job. Yes, I hate leaving my children behind, but I love teaching yours.  I love watching them grow and learn throughout the year. I love the community that we build together in our classroom.  Yes, there are going to be challenging days. There are going to be days where we all learn from our mistakes. In the end, though, I love what each child teaches me throughout the year.

Being a mom has made me a better teacher. I now understand what each one of you sacrifices. So as you send those little pieces of your heart to school this year, know that I am going to do my best to inspire them. I am going to set high expectations and show them that they can succeed.  Our days will not be perfect, but I will try my best to be compassionate and understanding. I will do my best because I have little pieces of my heart somewhere else too. 

Providence Moms Blog Guide to Local ETSY Shops

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Thank you to the local Etsy shops featured below for sponsoring this guide!
Etsy Providence Moms Blog

At Providence Moms Blog it’s no surprise that we love local. Add handmade to that and we’re sold! Etsy is a particularly neat marketplace because moms just like us are able to turn their creativity and passion into a way to contribute to their household. And chances are if you buy from an Etsy shop, you won’t run into that embarrassing situation of the mom next to you on the playground sporting the same bracelet. We’ve compiled a list of some fun shops run by LOCAL makers and hope it helps you to find some unique handmade creations that you won’t see anywhere else. Thank you to the shops featured below for sponsoring this fantastic guide. Enjoy!

In my Etsy shop, you will find handmade cosmetic bags, purses, gift bags, lavender sachets, fabric key fobs, pillows, and more. All of my products are handmade by me, using high-quality fabrics and supplies. I’ve been sewing since I was a little girl. I love what I do and take great pride in my work. I am so happy to have found Etsy where I can sell my products to local customers and customers around the world.

Products we think Moms will love!

Serene Bayside Jewelry specializes in handcrafted unique quality jewelry at an affordable price . My designs feature sea glass, lampwork glass beads, gemstones, and Swarovski crystals and pearls, My very popular necklace/bracelet created with leather cord and beads is versatile and makes a great gift.. Browse our big selection of beach jewelry, pet/paw print jewelry and so much more.

Products we think Moms will love!

My shop is filled with the sculpted cat in the form of jewelry in sterling silver and bronze; figurines in bronze and lead-free pewter; utilitarian items in bronze and lead-free pewter; and Christmas ornaments in sterling silver. Everything is high quality and beautifully hand sculpted.

Products we think Moms will love!

Gingerspice Studio offers a wide selection of unique, hand painted ornaments and other giftware items for every occasion.

Products we think Moms will love!

Do you have any ETSY shop you would like to see featured in this guide? 

Sign up here! 

Blocks of Time: How I Manage to Be a Work From Home Mother

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blocks of time work from home Providence Moms BlogWhen you become a new mom, friends often ask, “How do you do it?”
When you go back to work, they’re dying to know, “How do you do it?”

So, how do you do it?
My answer: In blocks of time.
I found that as a work-from-home mom, I have to do things in “blocks of time” or else I will slowly go insane.

Allow me to back up a minute.
When I was in my 30’s, I worked full-time as a public relations professional. I was a bit harried (but a happily married working mom) and I have to admit, I didn’t have time for a lot of things. I’m not just talking about manis and pedis. There were moments when my friends wondered how I even managed to leave the house with two clothed children, let alone remember to dress myself.

Although I’m proud to say I never commuted to work naked, I do remember the time I arrived in two different black heels. And many a morning with dried spit up on my lightly starched sleeve.

Thankfully, I managed to exercise, shower, fix breakfast and slap on some concealer before my daily commute. But most days, I’d arrive disheveled. Sometimes with a pounding head. And a hankering for a hot tea containing enough caffeine to wipe away weeks of mommy insomnia.

When I look back, I don’t know how I did it. I just did it. I had no choice.
Then when I started my own public relations consultancy the year my son started kindergarten, I felt like I had won the lottery. I had officially become a work from home mom. I had my own business. I thought I was the sha-sizzle.

But there were still dishes in the sink.
Kids begging to go to the playground.
Client meetings.
And a room full of laundry barking be folded.

I learned after one week that working from home isn’t a cakewalk. It’s awesome, yes, but it takes a lot of time to get it right.

You have to teach yourself how to balance work and motherhood. To manage deadlines with kids needing your time and attention. To be creative on command. Without slowly going insane.

You have to learn stick it out and prioritize. To re-analyze. And not fantasize about trying to be Carrie Bradshaw and Miranda all at once.

How did I manage to fit in enough billable hours as a PR consultant with two little ones?
Aside from caffeine and chocolate-covered cashews?
Blocks of time.
Knocking things off your list in blocks of time.

Now, I’m not a naturally organized person. I’m not a celebrity who has written a book about this stuff. I’m a human mom.
And I fully admit that I have a tendency to procrastinate.blocks of time work form home mother Providence Moms Blog

But, like my husband always says, time is going to go by no matter what.
So, how are you going to use that time?
In blocks. One to-do at a time.

I have more than 23 years of professional experience under my belt and the only way I got here is with a lot of hard work, creativity and tenacity. And by doing things in blocks of time.
When you do things in blocks of time, you get more accomplished. And it’s a ton more tolerable (and some days, fun) too.

How to knock things out in blocks of time:
• Rather than spend the entire day working on one single project, do something with your kids for two or three hours, then knock out a proposal during nap time or while they are playing together.
• Stretch it out for a couple days so you won’t be stressed out.
• Don’t use the TV as your baby sitter. (But I get it. I have had those days too.)
• Do something with your kids early in the day, then they can relax afterwards and watch something or play or color while you tackle your deadlines.
• Trade play dates with another mom during client meetings.
• Plan conference calls while they are out of the house. (I will never forget hiding in the hall closet, trying to mask their yells by covering myself in bed linens.

I’d press mute, then talk, mute, then talk. It wasn’t pretty!) If this doesn’t work, try walking around the outside of your house and limit the call to 20 or 30 minutes.

• Start laundry after 5 p.m., while dinner is on the stove.
• Fold laundry after they’ve gone to bed while binge-watching your favorite shows. I call it binge-washing!
• Have your spouse help. Not just when things get crazy.
• Don’t try to be a hero – you don’t have to cook everything from scratch. (Carrie Bradshaw never did!)
• Never underestimate the power of a sitter or mother’s helper when you need to focus. (I never had this luxury, but I had a very supportive spouse and I put my daughter in preschool for a couple hours a day so I could manage a more doable work schedule.)
• Take a walk. Clear your head. Then jot down the things you have to tackle.
• Use mommy uber time to think. Some of my best ideas were born while driving the kids around!
• Don’t forget to shower! It not only makes you smell better, it helps clear your head! Plus it’s another place where good ideas are born.

blocks of time providence moms blog work from home mother

I have a dear friend who says it’s okay to do something imperfect the first time. Just get it done.
When I was in my 20’s just starting out in my career, I’d spend too much time on the smallest tasks because I wanted everything to be perfect. I quickly learned that this strategy doesn’t work. It’s inefficient and unhealthy.
So, try it in blocks.
My BFF wrote a book years ago WHILE breastfeeding not one, but twin boys in addition to running a yoga studio and caring for three other children. I see her and she makes things happen because she dedicates her time into blocks. She’s a rock star.

Raising two teens and a consultancy still takes a lot of time and multi-tasking.
I may not have to hide in the hall closet to get work done anymore.
But I manage to fit in an occasional pedi along with re-runs of Sex and the City! Just hang in there, I promise it’s worth it. Just take it one block at a time.

A Grandmother’s Ode to Her Grandbaby: Princess Terror

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ode to grandbaby princess terror Providence Moms BlogThey say there are people who just love babies. They are so sad when those babies grow up.

So…can I give you one?

I am referring to Princess Terror. My fifth grandchild and only granddaughter.

She doesn’t look like a terror. She has this kind of cock-eyed beauty. She smiles. She coos. In fact, she makes an astonishing variety of sounds. And they’re interactive. She’s just 5 months, but it feels like she is having a conversation with you. Yeah. She’s adorable. She melts hearts.

Until you get her alone.

We volunteered to babysit. It was only for an hour or so, and when her parents bought her over, she was asleep in her car seat. They look so precious when they’re sleeping.

Her mother left us with breast milk in a bottle, and some oatmeal cereal.

“Try the bottle first, and, if that doesn’t work, do the oatmeal and milk in a 5 to 1 ratio.”

It sounded like everything was under control.

For the first half hour, I happily played FreeCell while my husband cooked blueberry muffins with the toddler. All was well.

Then, my adorable granddaughter woke up. She smiled at me, and I quickly got her out of the carseat. I put her on the rug for a second, while I got out a clean sheet for her to lie on and a number of toys. She’s not crawling yet, but she turns over, and grabs for anything and everything within sight.

“She’s not hungry the minute she wakes up,” my daughter had cautioned us.

She was happy. Her toddler brother left Grandpa, came in, and handed her toys. They were adorable.

I was happy. I played FreeCell, and checked Facebook. ‘Alright. I thought. Piece of cake.’

I watched her carefully. It’s important to pick them up before they start to get upset. (I have babysat before.) So when she fussed, I swung into action. I changed her diaper. Once alerted, Grandpa readied the bottle and prepared a 5-to-1 oatmeal slurry.

It seemed to be going well.

I held her, and tried to introduce the bottle in a playful way. I let her grab at it. I put it on her cheek. I smiled. And…for a minute, it seemed to be working! We have given her a bottle before. She used to take it.

But this time, she cried and spit it out.

I tried some more. Then, a little more frantic, I went into full creepster mode.

“C’mon girl…I know you want it.”

No. She didn’t. She cried, arched her back, and spit.

OK. OK. Next I tried the oatmeal slurry. I gave her one spoon to hold and took another. I tapped her lips. I smiled. I slipped a little milk slurry into her mouth.

Woah.

Isn’t there is a scene in The Exorcist when the child turns her head around in a complete circle and projectile vomits? This went somewhat like that.

“OK. OK. Lily.” I said, very calmly. “Let’s try a re-set. I realize that you are currently a bit too hysterical to eat right now. Let’s walk some.”

Her other grandmother is the brilliant inventor of the baby footfall hold. In this hold, my granddaughter’s head sits in the crook of my elbow, and my arm goes through her stomach and legs, supporting her belly. She normally likes that. So I walked around the house a few times, and thought positive thoughts… ‘my doctor did tell me to get more aerobic exercise…’

“Do you want me to try?” my husband asked.

“Oh yes,” I answered. “Yes.”

He was the one who used to be able to get her older brother to take a bottle.

But he just repeated the same sequence, with no better results.

“She doesn’t have a dirty diaper.” I analyzed. “And she’s not tired, because she just woke up.”

I took her outside. Fresh air sometimes does wonders, they say. And it worked. For a second. I walked around the yard. I stopped at a tree, and let her grab at leaves. This too, worked. For a second. I let her grab at the fence. And a flower. I put her feet in water. This all stopped the wailing. For a second.

“I’ll put her in the carseat and drive her around,” my husband offered.

“Call Tracy first,” I muttered, clearly admitting defeat.

As it turned out, my daughter was only 10 minutes away. So, I kept walking, and shut my ears as Lily wailed. I try to keep a tight grip on her as she arches her back. I frantically repressed memories of when her head twists in a circle, her eyes turn beet red, and she vomits fire.

“Please Tracy…please…get here soon…” I prayed, clutching my holy water…

After approximately 100 years, my daughter sauntered in and picked up the baby.

Princess Terror immediately calmed down, just hiccuping once or twice. For effect, I think. My daughter sat down, curled up on the couch, and puts the baby to the breast.

“She is giving me slant-eyes…” my daughter commented.

“I’m sorry…baby…” she cooed plaintively. (Not to me, of course. To Princess Terror.)

I then have an uncharacteristic moment of honesty.

“She’s the worst,” I yelled. “She’s the worst of a bad bunch. Worse than her brothers…She’s…she’s… Princess Terror.” I’m a bit worked up.  

And then, suddenly, everything changes. The baby turned all innocence and smiles. She cooed. She wriggled. She’s once again the most charming creature on earth.ode to grandbaby princess terror Providence Moms Blog

“I don’t know what your problem is…” my daughter sniffed. “I had her all last week camping and she never cried once….Did she?” my daughter rhetorically asked the girl’s brothers. “Did you hear Lily cry once? Once? In that whole week?”

“No.” they declared loyally. “No.”

I know what they say. I know they’re only a baby for a short time. I know how good their head smells. I know I should treasure every second.

But. Really? Really?

Anybody want to borrow Princess Terror for a couple of months? She can be really charming…honest…

A Chapter Ends: Saying Goodbye to My Childhood Home

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saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms Blog
My Great Grandparents celebrating their 50th anniversary

My parents recently moved out of the house they shared together for 37 years.  The house in which I spent the first 24 years of my life.   Thirty-seven years is a long time to live anywhere, but this house is a bit unique.  Why?  Well, it became a part of our family’s story when my great-grandparents purchased it in the late 1930s.

As time marched on, my grandparents became the eventual owners.  My father and his four siblings all spent some time growing up there.  Decades later, my 

saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms Blog
My newly engaged grandparents pose for a picture in the side yard

parents bought the home from my grandparents.  That means four generations of my family have lived in this house.   Six generations, from my great great grandfather down to my own children, have walked its halls. 

With my parents’ move, I have spent some time in reflection.  This was, of course, the place I called home for the majority of my life.   It’s the place where Mom and I decorated the Christmas tree each year.  Where Dad and I sat at my Strawberry Shortcake table on Saturday mornings to color.  I learned how to ride a bike there.  It is the place I got ready for school each morning, from kindergarten through college.  My very first car resided in its driveway. A teenage-version of myself spent hours on the phone there (racking up long distance charges) with her boyfriend.  It’s where that boyfriend asked Dad’s permission to marry me.  

saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms Blog
My Dad on the day of his high school graduation

But because of the history of this house in my family, it has not only 

saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms Blog
Me and my grandmother on my 1st Communion Day

impacted me.  Inside the walls of this house, young couples embarked on their next journey, babies came home from the hospital, family members posed for pictures in front of the mantle, and four family members (including myself) exited the house on the day they got married.  Grandchildren visited, achievements were applauded, tears were shed, laughter was shared.  

In many ways, this house was like a book.  So many chapters of my family’s story have been written in this home.  And each of us who lived there has contributed to its narrative.

saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms Blog
My boys celebrating my Dad’s birthday with him earlier this year

But at 6 and 3, my kids may only have fleeting and fuzzy recollections of this house.  My 6 year old may remember sleepovers, visiting his great-grandmother next door when she was living, and the “best pancakes” that his Pepere made there.  I’m not sure how much my 3 year old will remember, if anything.  As parents, though, I think it is our task – our joyful task – to be storytellers.  We are responsible for passing on memories of what is, and what was, important to us and the ones before us.  

When my grandmother was alive, we occasionally joked that she told the same stories on repeat.  But in the year since her passing, it’s clear that those anecdotes have had a lasting influence.  We chuckle over the funny ones.  Time and time again, we reference my grandmother’s incredible memory for detail when trying to remember when something happened.  My grandmother always told her stories with a certain amount of pride and a glimmer in her eye.  Because of what this home meant to myself and my family, I intend to tell my kids and grandchildren (and maybe even great-grandchildren) about all the good times I experienced there.  And I will be sure to recount the stories that have been told to me in order to preserve those memories for generations to come.

saying goodbye to childhood home Providence Moms BlogI could not be any happier for my parents as they begin to make new memories in their new home.  Growth and change are part of the beauty of this journey we call life.  We are always writing new chapters.  While we can’t necessary live in the past, it’s important to reflect on it periodically and share it with those who come after us.  It’s like dusting off your favorite book once in awhile and opening it up to your favorite chapter.  This house may no longer belong to my parents physically, but the home that was cultivated there for generations will always be part of of my family’s story, and I am honored to be one of its storytellers.  

Moms in the Arts: an Interview with Hansy Better Barraza

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Moms in the Arts Hansy Better Barraza Providence Moms Blog

Providence Moms Blog continues our featured series “Moms in the Arts” with today’s feature on Hansy Better Barraza. Hansy’s resume is impressive; she is the Co-Founder and a Principal at Studio Luz Architects and the Co-Founder of BR+A+CE: Building Research+Architecture+Community Exchange. In addition, Hansy is also a professor of Architecture at the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD) where she served as the Graduate Program Director from 2014-2017.  She is also the author of the book,Where are the Utopian Visionaries? Architecture of Social Exchange.” Hansy manages to wear all these hats while parenting two children, six year old Aureilo and three year old Aires. She recently took time out of her busy schedule to chat with us about art, community service, and how she balances it all.

art children providence ri braceThe field of architecture is traditionally male dominated. Have you found any particular challenges of being a woman and a mother in this field, and how do you navigate that?

I’m very conscious of it when I’m in these big corporate meetings that are very male dominated. I try to make sure that the care of my kids is under control so that I don’t have to leave the meeting. This under representation of women is already a negative for us, so I’m very conscious of that. In my office, I am a principle, so I am able to be much more flexible with my own time there. But when I’m out in the field professionally, I try to stay on task with what is in front of me. I want to make sure to represent women in terms of being a contributor to the profession and the discipline. I’m also a professor, and in my classroom I’m pretty much the same. I don’t mention my kids. However, I was a big advocate at RISD to make administrators aware that it was really important to have lactation rooms. That’s where I was more of an advocate, to push for those essentials that were really important that I didn’t have access to in 2010 when I had my son. Since then, with the help of others as well, our department has added lactation rooms.

Another challenge was that when I had my firstborn, the amount of time I was able to spend at the office shifted. It makes me happy to be able to do everything, but at the beginning I was driving myself crazy. It was a change to have to manage another human being as well. I realized if I still wanted to maintain the intensity of all the things I was passionate about, I needed help. You have to find a support mechanism that balances things out, whether it is help from your family or elsewhere. I think it’s important to let people know that things do shift, and it takes time to figure out. Don’t be afraid to ask how other moms do it.

Providence Moms Blog Art children RISD Hansy Better Barraza
Homemade costume.

How do you promote appreciation of art in your children’s lives?

I think it just comes naturally for me in terms of any activities that we do. We typically do activities first thing in the morning before school, a half hour to 40 minutes before we get out the door. We paint or work on models. My daughter generally paints, just because of her age and stage of development. Right now my son is working on modeling a car. In the past we have done a lot of plane modeling. I find that for us these types of activities are the easiest things to do in terms of having fun and getting them engaged with their hands. The way to promote art is always engagement with the hands. In our old house we had a door that my son could draw on. My friends thought I was crazy, but I said, “hey, you can just paint over it,” and he always knew that that door was a place where he could just draw whatever. In our new home, we have a table that we let our kids draw on with washable markers.  In fact, they can just draw on any surface that’s washable.

 

I have a three and five year old, and I have to admit that it always feels like such a production to break out the art supplies. How important do you think it is that children are given regular access to be creative at home?

For parents who find it more daunting, like how some parents find cooking to be daunting, there are other ways to do it. Go to art museums. There are some art museums or art galleries that are not kid-friendly, but you can find fun art museums. There’s the Dr. Suess Museum and the Eric Carle Museum, for example.  You can take the kids to museums that really allow for kids to engage and do activities. It doesn’t have to be these institutional art museums. You can also read to them about art and artists. Children are typically so curious. Even just walk the city or walk the neighborhood and talk about art; for example, “What color is that house? What makes the street vibrant?” Things like that.

Providence Moms Blog Art children RISD Hansy Better Barazza
Aries at the Eric Carle Museum

Please help with my mom guilt: how much of their art am I allowed to throw away?

I was getting so much art home from my son. He’s six and that’s when it really starts coming home. It’s funny, we have two bins, a recycle bin and a trash bin, and one day my son caught his artwork in the recycle bin. He basically told me I was not allowed to throw away his art anymore. I had to ask him permission first. So now we have these awesome 14 inch tall by 30 inch wide magnetic boards we got from IKEA. We have several of them and we always put all the recent art  from school on the board and constantly rotate it. The remaining art gets put in a bucket and I recycle it by turning it into birthday cards. When I don’t have time to have them make one, I let him choose which one he wants to give his friend and have him write his name on it. We try to find really creative ways to use the art instead of throwing it away.

As a busy mother who is pulled in many directions, why do you think it is important to prioritize the arts in my life and the lives of my children?

What’s nice about art is that it has many different forms.  It’s an expression and a moment. You can do it with people, you can do it solitarily, but I would say it’s important to make time for yourself. It’s important to express yourself; anger or frustration or happiness, even if it’s through written form, that to me is art too. It’s almost theraputic to make time for yourself and time for self care. Just go with it.

Does your career as an artist and architect spill over into your home life in any particular ways? I’m imagining you having a meticulously decorated and appointed home. Any truth to that?

art children providence rhode island
Finger Painting by Aires

Our home is really, really precise and clean. When we moved three years ago, my husband and I decided in our new home we were going to commission work, whether from our friends or ourselves. The art that we put on our walls does not have to have value, but rather has to have an emotional tie. My daughter has a painting she did with her hands when she was one and we framed it in her room. Whether it is produced by our kids or friends who are artists, that is what we have in our home.

How do you find balance in your life?

Once a month I get together with a group of 11 or 12 other moms. We trade off who hosts and sign up six months in advance.  We get together at night after our kids are asleep, we have drinks and food, and we talk about politics and how to serve our community. For me, this has been really fantastic as a support network.

You co-founded Brace with the aim of creating community spaces that “engage social, economic, and cultural issues that communities around the world face.” How do you see art and community service as connected?

What’s interesting about access to art is that typically the communities that need it the most, communities that are disenfranchised and economically depressed, are those that do not have public art. But what those communities do have are non-profit organizations. So Brace will find a non-profit that serves a particular community that we’ve identified and work with them to see how to bring public art to that area. We aim to expose people to art and will do activities for about a month during the summer. We first reach out to the community to see what is lacking. The art is mostly site specific installations, like large sculptures and mini playgrounds in the neighborhood. On our next project we will be with a group of students from Roger Williams University.

Brace was founded the same year my son was born and it’s been really wonderful to be able to engage the kids in “working” (but not really working) on these public art projects. We’re cleaning up public lots, and they’re learning how to clean up, help with flyers, and see what the artists are doing. This is another way in which art engages them with social justice. Bring them with you!


At Providence Moms Blog, we are passionate about the amazing multi-dimensionality of motherhood and aim to support mothers in their role as “mom” while encouraging them to honor all the other aspects of their identity. We believe that the arts are an essential part of what makes us human and encourage all moms to make the arts a part of their own and their children’s lives. We are proud to partner with Rhode Island School of Design’s Continuing Education Program for this series. 

RISD Continuing Education educates students of all ages in art and design with high quality, accessible programs, courses, lectures and workshops. Registration for winter classes opens on Monday, November 6, 2017, and classes will begin on January 6, 2018.

RISD CE offers courses for adults in the fine and applied arts and design at beginning, intermediate, and advanced levels. You’ll find a range of options to explore the world of art and design and RISD’s flexible course schedules meet the needs of today’s adult learners and their busy lifestyles. Options include 3-hour and weekend workshops, 6-12 session courses, and full certificate programs. 

RISD’s Young Artist Program (ages 6-17) helps students make their mark as they create, build, make, and dream big through courses in 2D, 3D, digital art and design, as well as STEAM courses. 
Saturday courses are offered year-round, and week-long vacation camps are offered in the winter, spring, and summer. Teens can enroll in one of four certificate programs to broaden their skills or prepare for a future in art and design.


 

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Keeping Score: Which Parent Really Wins?

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keeping score who wins providence moms blog

Camping this summer…

Me: Hey, did you get Bean’s shoes?

Husband: No, I’m taking pictures of this cool bug.

Me: (visible eye roll complete with dramatic sigh)

Husband: What have YOU done? (grinning sheepishly)

Me: Oh you know: packed all the swim stuff, dressed both girls, sun screened both girls, and now I’m on my way to gather snacks. 

Male friend: (shouting) Oh! Scoreboard’s up! 

Lots of laughter to follow and shouts of “who’s done more?” from the surrounding couples.

Keeping score. I would be lying if I said I did not do it from time to time. It happens in my worst moments, when I manage to accomplish absolutely nothing, despite how hard I’ve tried. It creeps in at the end of day, when I am overwhelmed and frustrated. Typically, it’s witching hour, when my toddler is losing it, the baby is feeding off the fury, and I am just trying to stay afloat.

It becomes a spiral. I think back to those days before children. I completed simple tasks. They seem so long ago. I think about how much my life has changed since then and unfairly assume that my husband’s life has not changed nearly as much. Then, I calculate. I calculate what I have done that day, that week, that month, and in that moment I am always ahead. However, the score is not accurate and incredibly biased. 

The problem is, I am not in this game alone. I am lucky. For me, parenthood is a team. There are times when one partner may be doing a little more than the other. However, the great part about a team is that roles soon reverse. Sure, there are days when I get all the things done and parent like a rockstar. There are also days when I ignore everything that should get done to give extra snuggles, collect rocks, read stories, build forts, and make memories. My husband never judges me for that. He smiles and tells me that our girls are lucky. They are, because my husband does the same. 

The goal of parenthood is to love, teach, and inspire our children. Some days we may teach them about responsibility, and other days, we spark their imagination. There are going to be days when it all comes together and days when it all falls apart. Score keeping is not going to make that any better. My husband and I both have our strengths and weaknesses; together we make the perfect team. Even in those darkest parenting moments, I know he will be there to support me and I will be there for him. 

keeping score who really wins providence moms blog
I hate to admit it, but it was a pretty cool bug.

So let’s go back to that scoreboard moment.  The one where I had publicly called my husband out for not helping. Sure we all laughed, but it was not entirely fair. That morning he briefly helped me get the girls ready, but he discovered a cicada molting on tree. His inner nerd took over. He called all the kids over to witness the amazing metamorphosis. He called out play by plays and the kids studied the emerging bug. They were enthralled. Later, they collected cicada shells and searched for other weird bugs. He gave them a chance to take a deeper look at nature, so maybe he was up in points that day. 

Of course, since we are not actually score keeping, it doesn’t count! 

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