Dear Child-Free Friends,
I’m writing to let you know that motherhood can be pretty lonely, especially when your closest friends aren’t in the same boat as you. Just because I had a baby doesn’t mean the woman I was before completely faded away. Since the moment I announced my pregnancy, you’ve shut me out and it feels like you’ve labeled me as “no fun” because my new role and responsibilities are not important to you right now. But I need you to know, I still need you.
It’s understandable that maintaining friendships with friends who have kids can be tricky. My priorities have shifted and scheduling time to meet up is chaotic. I admit it, the foundations that our relationship once thrived on are compromised. But this is temporary; I’m new at this mom role and I’m trying to figure it out and your support would be appreciated.
You’ve stopped inviting me to things, you just assume I can’t go. I had a child; I did not die. Don’t assume I can’t go- if anything, assume I may need a night off Mom Duty. I can call a babysitter or ask my husband to take on solo duties for the night. But nothing hurts or makes me feel more alienated than seeing my childless friends all out and realize that not one single person thought to invite me. Call it envy, but it still hurts that I’ve been noticeably left out. A simple invite cost you nothing, but goes a long way in saying “I still care about you and wanted to include you in my plans”.
Talk to me
Please know that I do want to talk to you and that I am thinking of you, but I don’t always have the time to pick up the phone and call right now. When it comes to effort, I know our friendship is a little lopsided right but have patience with me. It won’t be like this forever. Please don’t stop calling or texting. If anything, I need your attention and support a little more these days. I also know that you may not love talking about babies 24/7 and that’s okay, I still want to talk non-baby things too. Honestly, if I don’t pick up a few times just stop by with a coffee and say hi for five minutes or even better send me a funny meme that reminds you of us. I may not see it right now, but I will later, and I’ll probably need that little laugh.
Make An Effort
You don’t love kids, me either really. But we’re friends, right? Hopefully, that love we have in our friendship extends to my offspring in some capacity. I know being with a baby can be a bore for some, but I still want my kid to know who you are, know your face, and know you’re an important person in my life. You’re my friend. I’m not asking you to change a diaper or watch her for a week, but I am asking you to be a part of her life. It doesn’t actually take much. Be the funny friend, the friend that always brings something sweet to eat or the friend that loves to push the swing, just be something other than nonexistent in my daughter’s life.
We have different priorities now, and that’s okay. But let’s be partners in this friendship and make time to recognize what’s new and important in each other’s lives. Most importantly, please understand that motherhood can be super isolating. Be the friend you hope to have if and when it’s your turn to be a mom.
A New Mom