An Open Letter to My Husband

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Dear Husband,

On October 14th, 2014 we had $105 in our bank account, I was 9 months pregnant, swollen and as big as a house, and we stood in front of our parents, siblings, and a few friends reciting our vows.

“To have and to hold from this day forward”

From that day (and every day before), you’ve held me. Sometimes it was because I was hungover from having too many celebratory drinks, or because I had morning sickness from being pregnant or because I was so anxious when my grandmother died. You’ve held me, during the best of times, sitting by the pool watching the kids play and again when we lost our little girl. You’ve always held me.

“For better, for worse”

You’ve supported our family even when that meant you needed to work long hours to pay for private school. You let me sleep in on the weekends so you can have some one on one time with the kids. For better, you love making breakfast for dinner and we all know you’re the far superior breakfast maker in this house. I’d say we’ve had more better moments than we’ve had worse, and that’s because you keep me grounded and are an incredible, dedicated father. You’ve seen me for me, at my very best and my very worst and never stopped.

“For richer, for poorer”

Remember when I said we got married on a Tuesday with $105 in our bank account? Well, $100 went to the justice of the peace, which left us with $5 in the account for the rest of the week. We’ve had richer moments, buying our first house, and then selling it and buying our forever house, having date nights, going away for friends weddings. We’ve had poor moments, fights, harsh insults said, hard truths told, and moments where we didn’t know how we’d make rent or if we would have enough after a car payment, but even in those moments, we’ve made it work and we relied on one another.

“In sickness and in health”

This, this is the biggest one. When I was diagnosed with cancer, you were there every step of the way, after we had our first child you walked by the room I was in and casually asked “hey, are you ok? feeling any postpartum blues or anything. I was told I should look out for it.” We’ve been thru far too many surgeries – sorry! And the biggest one of all, losing our girl. But during all the sick moments, you’ve held me, let me cry into your arms, kissed my forehead, told me to stop apologizing for feeling guilty or for throwing up.

“To love and to cherish”

This one is my favorite. There are times I drive you bonkers and you just want 5 minutes of peace and quiet but you know I just want to talk and catch up, so you talk with me and never get frustrated. We’ve cherished some beautiful moments, the kids learning to ride their bikes, sharing in your love of apple pancakes. We’ve cherished the same music and what it means to us, we’ve cherished incredible times with our friends, laughing so hard it hurts and we are crying.

There is no one else I’d rather have to hold, to experience the highest of highs and lowest of lows with than you. You are my love, the one who is calm and reasonable, the sensible and logical one, the one who mows the lawn and does all the yard work and never complains, who always eats seconds even if dinner is a crap shoot, or runs to the store last minute because I forgot to defrost the scallops. You see me for me, all you ask of me is my love and I will forever give it.

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