When I was little I’d often have sleepovers with my favorite cousin. At bedtime, we’d talk and do something that we (oh-so-creatively) call “write on arms”. It’s just what it sounds like. We’d take turns tracing letters, numbers or shapes on each other’s forearms with our fingertip. Sometimes we’d try to guess what the other had drawn, but eventually the one who was the tablet would get sleepy and nod off. You always wanted to be the one who got to fall asleep.
I also remember being little and laying my head in my mom’s lap. Sometimes she would play with my hair, especially loose tendrils that framed my face. She’d gently pull them through her fingers, or gently detangle my hair. It always put me in “the zone”. I was quiet, still. She could watch any of her shows, as long as she kept playing with my hair.
Later as a college sophomore, an acquaintance, Alice, was fascinated that I’d shaved off most of my hair over the summer. She asked if she could play with my hair. I thought it was a strange request—we weren’t close friends—but I let her do it anyway. I sat on the couch, and she sat behind me. I watched TV while she gently pulled, twisted and massaged my scalp. I was practically drooling with docility. After at least 30 minutes of her playing with my hair, I swear it was like flipping a shark on its back. No one could say anything to upset me. You can change the tv, sit in front of me and block the screen. Hell, you could have sat on top of me. Just keep playing with my hair.
At the time, I had no idea why I felt that way or why what my cousin, mom, or Alice did had the effect it did. I definitely didn’t think anyone else experienced this. But one day several years ago I was surfing YouTube and found an ASMR video. If you don’t know what ASMR is, it stands for auto-sensory meridian response. There are all sorts of ASMR videos: hair play, hair brushing, role play, eating, makeup, tapping, and lots more. Different people experience ASMR with different actions. I like the hair and makeup videos, and I especially like the drawing/painting videos. Here are some links to my favorite ASMR artists: albinwhisperland; whispersred; tonybomboni. Some videos purposefully try to trigger a response, but others are just happenstance. The most famous example of the latter is probably Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting. When he is painting, talking softly, scraping the paint knife against his palette or canvas (almighty mountains!) or a dry brush against the canvas (to blend the rich colors of his skies), that is heaven! ASMR is characterized by a calm, relaxed feeling, but the coup de grace, the “high” you chase when watching ASMR videos are the tingles! It’s like a pleasant pins-and-needles feeling on your scalp when your response is triggered. Not everything triggers the tingles. But usually, you get calm enough to fall asleep. It’s like a light hypnotic state.
Now, I didn’t write this to tell you all about me. My younger son (4) definitely experiences ASMR. He has always loved someone to rub his head or his back so that he could fall asleep easier. But now he eagerly climbs into bed with me and asks “Mommy, can we watch a makeup video?” He goes from the kid who is jumping off my bed as far across the room as possible, to asleep on my shoulder in less than 30 minutes! It really helps wind him down.
Some think that lots of kids experience ASMR, but that we either outgrow it or just stop doing things that trigger it. Here is what I suggest you do to figure out if your kid has ASMR/reacts to ASMR triggers:
- Does he like to have his arm/leg/back/head rubbed?
- Does she calm down/get quiet when watching someone do a task such as drawing or brushing or unboxing items?
- Do certain sounds, like tapping, gum chewing or bags crinkling get and keep her attention?
If you want, you can search for some YouTube ASMR videos, or you can just engage in some of the behaviors above. It’s best if the light is low (or at least not harsh), your voice is soft-spoken (or whispering) or even silent. Your actions should be deliberate, but not jerky or sudden.
I can tell you that for me, after a hectic day, I often put on ASMR videos to soothe myself to sleep (or back to sleep in the middle of the night to quiet the voice that worries about everything). And for my son, it just helps him unwind from his active days of play, school, and TV or video games with his brother.
Do you have ASMR? What are YOUR triggers? Who is your favorite ASMRtist?
