Photo credit: Haven Photography www.havenphotography.com
People keep asking me, “So when are you having the next one?” “Do you want more?” even the nurse as I was leaving the hospital, “I’ll see you back for his sibling!”
No. I can’t do it. I can barely manage one.
This is normal for a mom of an only child, right?
I guess I always thought I would have one kid, maybe… if even. I never had that need for a bunch of kids, or more than one for that matter. There was even a span of time where I wasn’t convinced I wanted any at all.
Looking back now, that seems insane because I have this beautiful baby boy who lights up my life, but also runs me ragged on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I love being his mom and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but again I ask myself, “How DO people have more than one kid?”
Here’s a quick, real-life example: My son was recently sick with a pretty nasty virus, which clearly created a miserable, inconsolable, unimaginably clingy, 19-month-old. Conveniently enough, I also contracted that same nasty virus right around day three. Flash forward to way too many days and nights of no rest, constant boogers, and tears. As I lay on the couch watching “Finger Family” for the 500th time, I asked myself, “How DO people have more than one kid?”
I was barely able to survive being sick with one child. It was honestly a close call. If there were more of him, I don’t think I would have made it.
As my son approaches two, I have my moments (usually when he’s asleep, or I have been away for some chunk of the day) when I actually consider having another one. Crazy I know, but I miss that tiny little baby I once had.
Shortly after I have these thoughts, I quickly smack some sense into myself by comparing a child to a puppy. Puppies are great! They are cute and small and cuddly… but they eventually become dogs. You can’t have another kid because you want a baby. That’s just irresponsible. They grow up, and not that you wouldn’t want them then, but the reasoning behind it seems kind of faulty.
That brings me back to my initial question, “How DO people have more than one kid?” How do you know? When is too late? Am I ruining my child if I don’t give him a sibling? Am I ruining my child if I do? Can my marriage handle another round of this insanity? And so on.
I’m pretty convinced that moment of clarity never comes. You just weigh your pros and cons and either take the plunge or don’t. Many people know before they even have their first kid that they want more and good for them! I commend them! They are champions, even heroes in my book. I, on the other hand, stand with those who are greatly unsure, maybe even leaning more towards the NO end of the spectrum. I have one happy and healthy little boy. Isn’t that enough?
One happy, healthy child is enough. It isn’t a competition. But in defense of those who have more, I can honestly say my one 18 month old was harder on me in many ways than it has been since with two kids or three kids (currently pregnant with my fourth so jury is still out on that). When I only had one, I was his constant entertainment, best friend, servant, etc. With two, the sibling factor cut me out of being the playmate. With three, they run around like their own little pack and occasionally stop by the kitchen for food. The older ones can reach granola bars and throw away diapers. So from my perspective, that is how. I used to wonder how you can equally love more than one, until I saw how it isn’t equal, it’s more because I love them the same but now so do all their siblings. 🙂
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