I walked into church yesterday with my baby on my hip, my four-year-old running ahead, and my two-year-old stopped at the cafe table staring at the muffins – again.
We were greeted by many familiar, smiling faces. We love our church and the family we have found there; it is home. We are doing a series called “At the Movies: Finding Faith in Film” and today’s message was surrounding Jurassic Park. There was a volunteer dressed as a giant T-rex.
On any given weekend, we welcome dozens of new people to our church. We pack 2,000 people into our auditorium throughout the weekend to worship and to hear the Good News preached. It’s beautiful and exciting and terrifying.
It is terrifying that sometimes I wonder if one of our guests is going to open fire at any moment. It’s terrifying to map out in my head how I would get back to my kids in Children’s Church and ensure their safety – or would I be too late?
It’s terrifying. And every time after another horrific criminal act is committed, I fear. I tremble. And I get MAD. I’m so very mad.
I stood in line to check my kids in, working through these emotions. I tried to quiet my spirit and pray. For hope to be renewed. For justice to be served. For hateful hearts to be changed.
I prayed for those aching hearts who lost a loved one or are standing around a hospital bed today, praying prayers of healing for their loved ones. I prayed for the little eyes that witnessed such a scary scene. I prayed for parents as they try to find words to comfort and make sense of this for their children who were there for what was supposed to be a joyous celebration.
I selfishly prayed that the most excitement we would see that morning, in our place of worship, would be the dancing T-rex at the door.
I prayed for mommas across the nation not to bow down to fear, but to stand up and be bold in love, grace, and support for people just like us and people nothing like us.
Another day, another breaking news headline of hurt people hurting people. Another incident where beautiful, innocent lives were taken and the beautiful innocence of others was destroyed.
So while I know in my head and truly believe in my heart that there is always HOPE, on the surface, I am stuck somewhere in between – with hope – suspended.
