You Know You’re a Mid-Life Mother When…

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mid-life mother providence Moms Blog

When you see your legs in shorts after a collage of family vacation photos, it hits you. There is no way around it. Sorry Cher, but you can’t turn back time.
Face it. I am 46. A happy 46-year-old mother of two, mind you. And although I thoroughly enjoy being 46, there are side effects that come along with it. Little hints that make you acutely aware of your age.

You know you’re a mid-life mother when:

• Random injuries come from the lamest activities. (Like grocery shopping in heels as opposed to mountain biking.)
• Every time you spot a public ladies room, you go…just in case.
• You have come to terms with the fact that you can never do jumping jacks again without peeing a little.
• 9 p.m. used to be the time you’d leave to go out with friends. Now it’s the time you head up to bed.
• Girls’ night typically begins at 5 p.m., which thankfully means you can still head up to bed by 9 p.m.
• When a friend has to cancel plans, you secretly look forward to putting on your PJ pants and a Mommy Dearest-style facial mask.
• You know what Bat Wings are, but you prefer the term Arm Dangle.
• There is no other way of saying Back Fat. It is what it is.
• You see a photo and don’t recognize yourself.
• You no longer work out so you can eat more, you work out so you can function the next day.
• When you don’t eat right, you pay for it. All week long.
• You could care less what people think of you. (But you swear under your breath every time you see your reflection in sleeveless blouses, tops or dresses.)
• When you don’t get enough sleep, you wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a frying pan, your eyes turn into slits and you secretly wish you could stay in bed.
• About the time you finally get used to Instagram, you realize “kids these days” are using SnapChat.
• You use the term “kids these days” without even realizing it.
• Nursing a hangover takes more than a nap and a cheeseburger.
• Your new mid-life hangover remedy: Multiply the number of drinks you have by .5 to find out how many days you need to feel normal again. (If tequila is involved, count on doubling that formula.)
• You wake up in a pool of sweat almost every morning from night sweats.
• Five hours of continuous sleep is like a God-send.
• Your neck is sore, not because you went hang-gliding, but because you “slept on it wrong.”
• You wear a panty liner just in case you sneeze.
• You wear a panty liner just in case you laugh.
• You wear a panty liner just in case you drive over a speed bump.
• And last but not least: You sneeze loudly in public just in case you pass gas.

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Jackie Hennessey is a Rhode Island mom who honestly gets what other mothers go through. Having worked full-time, part-time, and been a stay-at-home mom too, she sees motherhood from a variety of angles. And thankfully, with a sense of humor. Jackie blogs about her take on motherhood and mid-life at ventingsessions.com and writes about it in her award-winning gift book, How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker. Jackie is a native Texan with some roots and relatives in Rhode Island. (She's a NASA kid and her Houston accent usually comes out when she's blasting Willie Nelson in the car.) She has more than two decades of experience in public relations and journalism and holds a BA in journalism from Texas A&M University, where she received the “Best Aggie-Life writer” award. (She still has the tacky maroon plaque in her home office to prove it.) Jackie was a cast member of the 2013 and 2017 Listen to Your Mother Shows, where she formed lasting bonds with the incredible women she shared the stage with in honor of Mother’s Day. Her writing has been featured in The Barrington Times, the book Mommy Diarist and blogs like Scary Mommy and BluntMoms. She has donated her PR expertise to many local non-profits from Arts Alive to Dress for Success since launching her professional pr consultancy in 2006. When she’s not writing, consulting, volunteering, ubering her kids around, vacuuming up dog hair or folding laundry while binge-watching Netflix, she likes to vent with dear friends over cheese dip. Jackie is married to her high school sweetheart and they live in Barrington, Rhode Island with their two teens and three fluffy and friendly Golden Retrievers.