As a working mom with a ferocious two-year-old, my days (and nights for that matter) are a super calculated balance of work, play, snuggles, and sleep. I get up early — like before the sun comes up early — so that I can have a cup of coffee and five minutes of peace and quiet to myself. I love being a mom, but after two years of this gig, I’ve realized that sometimes it’s okay to admit that I am still mourning the life I once had.
I miss running. It may seem like I’m just trying to get out of working out when I say that I can’t fit it in, but the truth is that I just don’t know when to fit it in. After the five minutes that are my vanilla coffee, it’s a mad dash to the time when we all have to be out the door, preferably fed and dressed with lunches packed. In a perfect world, every toy is off the living room floor so that I can run the Roomba. I also try to efficiently run the dishwasher and a load of laundry before we leave the house, but the stars really need to align for this to happen. See all the things that need to happen before I can go for a run?
My nails are a hot mess. There’s something about having clean nails and a fresh polish that always makes me feel pretty – and it hasn’t been at the top of my list in months. It’s not that I don’t want to go get my nails done (trust me, I do!) but my ability to have my own self-care has really taken a back seat.
The stack of US Weekly magazines by my bedside is so huge that I have thrown out more than ten at once on numerous occasions. I used to read the magazine every single Friday evening when it arrived. I would climb into bed after a long week at the office and just cuddle up with all the latest news. I can’t even remember the last time I did that.
Super fancy hotels are my thing. I have a tendency to find really amazing deals at off-peak times of the year for a quick getaway (especially during the winter). I love being able to jet off to somewhere last minute. It’s really tough with kids for a few reasons. One, childcare. Two, I miss him too much. Three, our disposable income goes to daycare and diapers.
I have a list going (or five) at any given time of things that I “need” to get done like going for a run, getting a manicure, reading, or planning our next trip. My therapist tells me that I shouldn’t make so many to-do lists because I have a tendency to overwhelm my brain with useless tasks as a way to calm my anxiety.
I love my son and I miss my old life. It’s okay to say both of those things in the same sentence. Being a mom is all about balance. One of these days, I’ll figure it all out and hopefully get my nails done before he turns 18.
