“Some People Shouldn’t Have Kids”

Some people shouldn’t have kids.

This delightful comment was uttered towards my family while on vacation. Little did the commenter know that the man with me was not actually my children’s father. He was the loving and caring uncle that wanted to be the fun uncle and not a rules-based father. Little did they know that my three children, all aged 4 and under, are a complete blended mix of an adopted kid, a biological kid, and a foster kid and each kid definitely has their own little quirks and special little needs. Not to mention we are currently going through the frustrating independent “I’m in charge” fours and the runaway-testing-the-rules 18-month-old.

The comment definitely stung at first, and thankfully it was my mother who heard it directly because in that moment I would not have been the nicest person to the lady who said it. I realized though I needed to take a deep breath and think about how there may be more to the story.

First, I wondered where was that person coming from? Did they ever have kids themselves? Did they have any experience with special needs kids? Did they parent well? Perfectly actually? Did they never have a crazy moment where all their kids were terrors? Were their children angels with a calm, gentle demeanor? I realized I didn’t know the person’s story so really I shouldn’t say anything at all. 

What I really wished was for that person to stop and think for a moment where I was coming from. Maybe they could have seen my license plates and saw that I was an out-of-towner, and clearly, my children were having a hard time adjusting to a vacation schedule. Maybe they could have realized it was nap time for a trio that small in age and that in fact, we were at a take out restaurant in hopes of feeding them and get them back in the car and on the road to napping?

What I’m trying to say here is that when you are out and about and see a parent going through the wringer with their kids, don’t automatically think the worse of them. At the very least just look away, keep your mouth shut and let them try to stay afloat on their own while you mind your own business. But maybe, just maybe you could figure out a way to be helpful. Most parents probably wouldn’t mind another adult stepping in and helping in some way, whether it be something as simple as playing peek a boo to distract the baby or ask the parent what you can do to help.

It’s hard enough to try to parent these tiny humans that are processing big feelings and learning new things every day, it’s even harder to try to raise them in a society that looks down on children and considers them a nuisance most times. Try to be the difference in someone for the positive, don’t add a brick to their already heavy load.