Tips About College Applications From a Parent of a High School Senior

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high school diploma and tassels Providence Moms BlogI try to look away, but social media sometimes has its way. I see posts all over my feed of parents dropping off their 18-year-olds. Dorm rooms filled with duvet covers and daughters and sons hugging parents goodbye. Moms secretly calling out behind forced Instagram smiles and freshly affixed posters, pleading, “Help! I’m not ready for this!”

I have heartburn just thinking about it. Opening an email from my son’s high school about senior portraits, I realize the time is coming. This time next year, our oldest child won’t be in high school anymore. He will be off to college. Hopefully at one of the top colleges on his list. And with that thought, part of me feels the way I did when I sent him off to kindergarten. As if my heart has been ripped out of my chest, like one of those Bitmojis you find in the frowny face section, while the other part of me is excited for him. You read that right.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll miss him. I’ll miss him more than you can imagine. You see, in my mind, I still have the ability to see my son as a little guy, talking on and on about dinosaur eggs and playground adventures at preschool. But I see the writing on those dorm walls. He’s grown. He isn’t a little boy anymore. He has dreams along with questions he still needs to respond to on his college applications. He still has a year of high school to finish, but he really is ready to go to college. To rock his future. To pursue his dreams. And I want that for him. And believe me, that’s not going to happen if he stays at home playing video games with his friends. (Something we only allow in the summer and on weekends, and even that tries my patience sometimes.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is, at this moment, I’m accepting that it’s OK to be sad, but it’s also OK to be excited. I wrote that out loud. And I’m happy for him even though I may eat my words this time next year as I help lug boxes to his dorm, swallowing ugly cries until I get to the car.

My advice from one newbie parent of a high school senior to another:

1. Don’t worry about everyone else. Allow your child to apply to colleges on his wish list, not everyone else’s list.
2. Start the process by letting him pick where he wants to go. You can help suggest colleges that might have excellent financial aid packages or programs perfect for his major, but it’s important to remember that this is about his future, not yours.
3. When it comes to applying, start with baby steps. Don’t have him try to do everything in one weekend. The stress can be overwhelming.
4. Talk it out. Don’t wait until your son or daughter’s high school guidance counselor gets involved. Talk about his focus or major or dream schools. Make it a priority now. Many schools have November 1 deadlines.
5. Don’t feel like you need to fly around the world in 30 days. It’s up to you, but it’s best to pick their top two or three schools and take a tour. A friend from high school visited about 15 colleges before he chose his top 8. Everyone is different. But sometimes, travel costs can outweigh the benefits of such an OTT exercise.
6. Connect with local college admissions representatives locally. Admissions folks may visit your child’s high school or plan a regional visit saving you both a trip across the country.
7. Don’t obsess about test scores or rankings. Let that stuff go. Have her try! Apply! You’ll never know unless she tries.
8. Have patience with your son or daughter and let them take the reigns. This is their future. Don’t add more stress to an already stressful time.
9. Remind yourself (as you look over their baby photos) that it’s OK to be sad. This is part of life.
10. And remember, it’s OK to be excited for them too.

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Jackie Hennessey
Jackie Hennessey is a Rhode Island mom who honestly gets what other mothers go through. Having worked full-time, part-time, and been a stay-at-home mom too, she sees motherhood from a variety of angles. And thankfully, with a sense of humor. Jackie blogs about her take on motherhood and mid-life at ventingsessions.com and writes about it in her award-winning gift book, How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker. Jackie is a native Texan with some roots and relatives in Rhode Island. (She's a NASA kid and her Houston accent usually comes out when she's blasting Willie Nelson in the car.) She has more than two decades of experience in public relations and journalism and holds a BA in journalism from Texas A&M University, where she received the “Best Aggie-Life writer” award. (She still has the tacky maroon plaque in her home office to prove it.) Jackie was a cast member of the 2013 and 2017 Listen to Your Mother Shows, where she formed lasting bonds with the incredible women she shared the stage with in honor of Mother’s Day. Her writing has been featured in The Barrington Times, the book Mommy Diarist and blogs like Scary Mommy and BluntMoms. She has donated her PR expertise to many local non-profits from Arts Alive to Dress for Success since launching her professional pr consultancy in 2006. When she’s not writing, consulting, volunteering, ubering her kids around, vacuuming up dog hair or folding laundry while binge-watching Netflix, she likes to vent with dear friends over cheese dip. Jackie is married to her high school sweetheart and they live in Barrington, Rhode Island with their two teens and three fluffy and friendly Golden Retrievers.