My Truth About Postpartum Sex

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truth postpartum sex Providence Moms BlogAfter the birth of my first child, I was inundated with articles about postpartum sex. Article after article discussing how women could not wait to be intimate with their partner again. Claims of how the six-week wait was too long. For a long time, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. How could all these women possibly want to have sex? I just wanted a shower and to not be touched by anyone for twenty minutes. truth postpartum sex Providence Moms Blog

I remember nearly hugging my obstetrician when he told me that things still needed a bit more time down there after my six-week follow up. Walking out of his office, I put my game face on. Next, I explained to my husband that we did not get the green light, while silently leaping for joy in my mind. Thankfully, I had just bought myself a few more weeks to recover and mentally prepare for what was to come. 

Eventually, I made the decision that it was time. My assumption was that the first time would be uncomfortable, but with time, we would fall right back into a rhythm. I assumed wrong. I expected pain the first few times, but what I did not expect was the complete lack of interest on my behalf that continued for months after birth. Eight months, to be exact. Even harder to explain were the feelings that came with it — guilt, shame, and anger. 

There was so much guilt. My husband could sense my hesitation. I avoided his touch. I tried not to initiate any cuddling or affection for fear that it would lead to intimacy. Our sex life was amazing before pregnancy, but suddenly the idea of it made me sick to my stomach. My husband’s body, however, did not get the memo. How could it? His body had not changed drastically over the past year. Everything was just the way it always was, except for me. And while love is so much more than sex, when that intimacy went missing, I knew that he felt like he was failing. 

He was not. In fact, he was amazing. I did not know how much more I could love him until we had children. To watch him interact and love them sent chills down my spine. My heart was so full, and yet there was this elephant in the room that neither of us could address. This is where the shame crept in. Shame that I could not explain how I was feeling. There was the shame that I was pushing him away, despite how much I needed him. Shame that I said yes when all I really wanted to say was no. The shame was layered and deep, and it turned into anger. 

I was angry that he did not understand. Throughout the day, I would give and give and give so much of myself to everyone else. There was my job and the baby. My whole world had been turned upside down. Everyone was dependent on me, and at the end of the day, I was exhausted. But then I had to give more. I would avoid it as much as possible until the tension would become palpable and then I would give in. The anger would not subside though. It lingered. Then once again it turned to guilt and then to shame. It was an endless cycle. I was breaking. 

Eventually, I was able to express what was happening. It took a long time to find the words. My husband was just so thankful that I was talking about it. It helped. We worked through it, as a team, together, the way we were supposed to.

truth postpartum sex Providence Moms Blog

My period finally returned and our sex life made a triumphant homecoming. After the birth of our second child, I knew what to expect. It was different. I still had no desire to have sex, but there were conversations this time around. My husband understood not just what my body needed, but what I needed too. 

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