Turning Two: Watching My Baby Grow Up

“Little boys should never be sent to bed early. They always wake up a day older.” -Peter Pan

There’s a really good chance I’m writing this after a glass (or two) of wine. The struggle to sit and write this has been so real. For once knowing completely what I want to write, but at the same time unwilling to get the words out. I’m sure many can relate.

My baby is turning two-years-old. It may sound pathetic, but I can barely speak those words without getting choked up. I look back over this year and I’m once again amazed at how unforgiving time is; how quickly these moments come and go. Turning one seemed hard to handle, but two is a whole different beast.

My baby has become a person over this past year. He’s developed his own way of thinking, moving, and interacting. He has a personality — a huge personality. He expresses his wants and needs so clearly, and his “no no Mama!” even clearer. He’s learned to climb, jump, and run. He’s all of a sudden independent.

I struggle with the idea of having a two-year-old. I struggle with the harsh reality of time. I struggle with the need to hold on, but also let go a little more. I struggle with the reality that this may be my only child, my only baby, my only one-year-old, my only two-year-old.

Every morning when I get him from his crib I ask him, “Did you grow?” “Did you get bigger?” and he always says yes. Which I quickly follow with, “Well stop, because Mama wants you to stay little forever!” That’s not true; well, not entirely. On the other hand, I wish so hard to be able to see him grow. I wish so hard for him to live a fulfilling life. But I struggle with letting go of my slightly smaller son from yesterday.

I also am well aware that three, four, five, ten, sixteen and so on will feel equally sad. I am also well aware of that fact that I am undeniably blessed to watch my child grow.

As I count down these last few days as the mother of a one-year-old, I promise to be more present, more grateful, more engaged, and more loving. I promise to live more intentionally as your mom.

The message of this being: remind yourself to live for every moment. Breathe it in and really experience it. It will only be that way once. They will only be this little at this moment.