I love my friends and I love my life – I have an incredible husband, two healthy kids, I live in my dream house with the best neighbors (seriously, come hang out with us!).
But, I was feeling burnt out and exhausted. I was saying “yes” to everything, even if I didn’t want to do it because I never wanted to let someone down, make someone feel bad, or exclude someone. But it was taking a mental and physical toll on me. My husband realized it when one night he asked: “What do you want for dinner?”. I broke down and started to cry as if he just told me my mom died. It was bad.
At that moment, I had nothing left to give. I couldn’t make the simple decision of what we should have for dinner because I had already made the decision for literally everything else. And I was done. That night we talked long and hard about expectations – both mine and his. He realized since I had been home I was doing everything while he was at work and even though I didn’t mind – I did need a little more help. He talked about how he needed more quiet because when he came home I wanted to hear every moment of his day. We talked and I felt better.
From that moment on I would be doing more things for me. Things that I wanted to do. He agreed it’d be good for me. So began the year of “yes”.
If I want to get my nails done I no longer feel guilty, I do it. if I want to skip lunch with a friend so I can sit at a bar and read a book in quiet, I do it. I wouldn’t change anything about my life or being home with the kids full-time, but I would say I should have carved out more time for myself sooner. I, like many others, made excuses and reasons why not to do things for me and overbooked myself to please others. But I’ve realized all my friends want is a happier me, and if that means I stay in one night, so be it. They typically aren’t hurt; they’re glad I’m taking care of me. I dyed my hair purple because I felt like it and every time someone compliments me, I say, “thanks, I wanted to do something fun.”
So go out and do something fun, it doesn’t have to be huge but we all need to say “yes” to ourselves more often because if we don’t, we will be living a life for others and not for us.
