Spoiler Alert: I’m still fat.
This post is about ME. Not my kids. Kids make most self-care more challenging and that has been true of this experiment…let’s leave it at that. I’ve now spent thirty days trying to focus more on my health, for the good of myself and my family. My goals were: eat healthier—in particular foods that give me energy and make me feel good, drink more water, and get moving—whatever that looks like. The month has been overall successful—although I don’t feel like I dedicated equal amounts of time and energy to all the goals above. Long story short—I ate lots of green stuff but probably only worked out 4 times.
As with most endeavors that are born of sheer frustration, I started this month with tons of will power and enthusiasm. “No ice cream will taste as good as getting rid of this double chin,” I thought. “No pizza looks better than a pair of jeans buttoned up.”
Despite my steadfast dedication to the idea—‘this NOT a diet, this is about HEALTH’—I think I unconsciously expected to lose some bloat and weight pretty quickly. Being honest about one’s expectations is key to preventing disappointment and tempering emotional reactions…and I’ll admit it…I thought I’d see a substantial difference in my body, even if I was the only one to notice it. So let me start by saying, I still have a LOT of weight to lose…and I still feel pretty uncomfortable in my skin sometimes. But there have been positive outcomes from this so far; it’s a marathon, not a sprint.
I definitely have more energy. Eating well has improved my mood (most days, haha) and made me feel less sluggish. I have a sense of accomplishment when I choose to eat something that is nourishing and then reap the benefits afterward by feeling energized by the food—instead of wanting to take a nap. Like many people, I have subscribed to a diet mentality for most of my life. It’s an all-or-none phenomenon.
“You ate this cupcake so the day is SHOT.”
“If you’re going to have a piece of bread you might as well eat ice cream too…you’ve already ruined your “diet” for today.”
“You cheated today and so the last month of work is GONE.”
I have to work hard to push that voice down, and remember that “normal” eating involves occasionally eating a cupcake! But maybe not eating 10 more just because the day is ‘ruined’ anyway. I’ve spent way too much of my life eating 10 salads one day and 10 cupcakes the next and I really do want to commit to a healthier relationship with food. That means I have to chill out with the diet mentality. Will the progress be slower in the short term? Maybe. But long-term, I think really working on my inner dialogue is the only way to create sustainable change in my eating habits. On my son’s birthday, I ate nutrient-dense foods all day, and had a piece of cake with my family. This is not typical and it’s a victory. I still wish I could just eat pasta with reckless abandon and not feel like crap afterward. I love carbs. I also love salad, but don’t get it twisted…I would choose bread and butter, cheesecake, and a giant steak if calories didn’t matter and it was all the same. I love me some saturated fat. I enjoy rich and delicious food. My love for food isn’t going away, no matter how many cucumbers I dip in hummus.
I will admit that I have NOT been getting enough exercise. This is one area that’s been challenging. I’ve gone for some long walks with my family but I’m not back in the gym the way I envisioned. Abs might be made in the kitchen but CORE STRENGTH is made in the gym. It seems like such a small goal but I’m thinking maybe for the next month, I’m going to try to get to the gym once a week. I ultimately want to get back to 3-4 days a week but maybe this baby step will be the first step to getting re-addicted to working out! I used to love it so much. I just know that if I could find a way to muster the energy I could LOVE it again. I miss my gym friends, and I miss feeling STRONG. So I think that’s my goal for this next phase. Dragging my chunky butt to the gym and moving. I believe I can do it. This butt might be chunky but it used to be able to squat some serious weight. I am nothing if not an eternal optimist!
So no—my clothes don’t fit me yet. No, I’m not anywhere near where I want to be. But my mentality is improving. My energy is rising.
I feel hopeful.
On the next edition of The MuffinTop Chronicles; Will Laura use her substantial backside to lift some heavy weights or will she melt into a pool of her own sweat and tears on the floor of the gym?
Stay Tuned!
