Blue Is (not just) For Boys: Redefining Masculinity

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“How old is she?” “What’s her name?” “She’s so pretty!” I’ve regularly gotten these comments since my son was born. Maybe it’s his mop of gorgeous blonde hair. But it’s probably also the fact that we don’t dress him in “boy” clothes.

On any given day my son can be seen in florals, leggings, or a multicolored romper, sometimes even paired with a pin in his hair to hold back those untamable locks. We aim for ease of wear and comfort. But it also just so happens that pink and florals look dynamite with his coloring.

Our gender-fluid choices don’t stop at clothing. We’ve given my son the opportunity to participate in a range of activities, from music classes to dance, sometimes even in a tutu, because it brings him SUCH delight. We’ve also never relegated him to gender-specific toys. My husband and I encourage him to play with whatever he seems to find interesting, which tends to be a healthy mixture of trucks and dolls, and heavy on musical instruments. Especially the guitar. It seems we have an axe man on our hands. But if he was all about dolls and not trucks, or vice versa, that would be more than ok, too.

I don’t think I’m making him any less masculine by not putting him in “boy” clothes or insisting that he avoid “girl” toys. If I’m being truthful, I don’t believe that being masculine has anything to do with what he wears or the toys he plays with.

The way I see it, masculinity has much more to do with the strength of his character than the strength of his muscles. It’s about his capacity for kindness. His willingness to face fears as well as tears, even if it means being vulnerable. Masculinity is doing good. Being good. Seeking support as often as you offer it. The courage to be whomever he chooses to be or not be, even if that’s sometimes ambiguous or undefined. It’s respect for people from ALL walks of life. Humility. And generosity.

And honestly, I hope that one day my son finds even my liberal view of masculinity limiting. Because that means I’ve empowered him to once again redefine masculinity for himself. And I’ll feel like I did my job.