I wish I could tell you that I am not qualified to write this, but I am. Seeing as 1 of every 4 women is qualified, more people will relate to this than you realize. So many suffer through miscarriage silently, either because that’s what they believe is most comfortable to them, or they feel that society has told them that’s how they should endure it. I say you should do what is comfortable for you but know that it IS okay to talk about it.
Most women won’t make their pregnancies public until about 12 weeks, I did the same. My second pregnancy was a complete surprise to us. We were shocked and then very excited. But I was still cautious. I knew what was a possibility. But for some reason, even when you keep reminding yourself what is possible there’s a part of your brain that tricks you into thinking it won’t happen to you. I knew something wasn’t right, and the ultrasound confirmed my worst fear – there was no heartbeat.
How could you feel such pain for something that was so small? So small but such hope and joy. It literally felt like someone sucked the air out of my lungs.
I would spend months after analyzing that time in my life. When I felt my pregnancy symptoms lessen, what did I do differently, asking if it was my fault? Although I would never wish for anyone to experience this, I am fortunate to have someone close to me who has gone through it. My own mom experienced several miscarriages. I was able to talk to her, be honest with her, and know she understood. Ending the stigma around miscarriages and sharing what you’ve experienced may feel strange and foreign but I can promise you that if you know someone else who has gone through one, you provide a small glimmer of hope. You provide a chance for them to share their feelings and know they are not alone.
And if you haven’t experienced miscarriage, you can still help. It’s very hard to understand the feeling of so much joy and hope, shattered. Of already knowing each milestone date, and joyous activity that would have surrounded your pregnancy. The exciting secret you had been keeping and couldn’t wait to share with the world. Please know that little everyday things can be so hard. Seeing an ultrasound on the fridge, a pregnancy announcement on Facebook, or even an animal you had considered using in the new nursery. The milestones that come weeks or months later are still hard. Let the person you care about know you are always there to talk. Even if it is three months later, when they feel that everyone has moved on, but they have not.
So if a woman you love has experienced a miscarriage please know that you are important to them if they’ve shared it with you. They trust you and they need you. They need you to check in randomly. They need you to tell them its okay to cry. They need you to tell them its okay to still be sad, because it is still sad. They need a meal on days when they feel they can barely function enough to make dinner. Make sure they know they can call you, text you, or tell you when they’ve had hard days, because while they become further apart, they still come.
