Memory Makers: We Can’t Do It Alone; Sharing the Holiday Load

“She’s like a Professional Memory Maker when it comes to the holidays.”

Initially I loved this! How sweet, he really sees what she’s done, if only we all got that kind of credit! Then it got me thinking about the idea of “Memory Making” for our children, while also attempting to stress less for ourselves during the holidays. I think subconsciously we all strive to make the holidays something out of a Hallmark movie, but when it comes to execution we seem to forget that Hallmark movies are produced by a LOT of people. Therein lies the greatest of Holiday secrets: We can’t do it alone. The magical holiday season you strive for every year – it needs to be done with help – with your own Hallmark production team.

I know, you just read that and went “M’Kay sure sure”, but hear me out.

Getting Dads Involved

I don’t like the idea that this holiday “Memory-Making” is all on Moms. If you’re in a partnership, you have a partner in all this Memory-Making! We now live in a day and age when Dads are more involved than they’ve ever been, and the notion that Moms are the only “Memory Makers” is silly. So start by asking him directly – what are his favorite traditions; from both his childhood and also from your life now? Then put him in charge! We are not the only ones recreating or creating these awesome memories, and we need to stop treating Dads like we’re the only people in the house that can “do it right.”

Here comes the hard part though: This means letting go of some perfect holiday vision you’ve created in your mind, or on your Pinterest board. If we’re being honest, my husband’s wrapping is cringe worthy – seriously, no one needs that much paper or tape. But I let it go. When we decorate the tree as a family, he doesn’t seem to realize which ornaments “shouldn’t” go on the front of the tree – But again I let it go, because does it matter? No. Our son will remember the decorating together, not the two red Santas that should be neatly spaced just so.

Here are some examples of how my own husband takes on “Memory-Making”: Last year he woke up at 6 am, after having gone to bed at 1am due to Midnight Mass, just so he could film our son coming down the stairs Christmas morning. He takes us on a trip to the Mall every year (this is from his own childhood memories, he loves this one). We wrap all the Santa presents together. He makes breakfast Christmas morning. He makes the batch of eggnog in the beginning of the season, and builds gingerbread houses, and then he and our son smash them up on Christmas Eve. Those are some of his favorite things, so he takes charge!

Even If you and your child(ren)’s Dad don’t live together it doesn’t make his traditions any less valid – these will become YOUR child’s memories. I’ve gotten to see this first hand, as my sisters all had other houses growing up – whole other traditions were created that weren’t a part of my memories. A couple I’ve heard about include getting an M&M ornament every year, and eating Swedish food on Christmas Eve. If you’re on good terms, talk about some of the holiday-time events he can take over.  Christmas lights at one home and gingerbread houses at the other are still memories for your child(ren).  The memories may not be what you always imagined – but that doesn’t mean they’re not special.

Getting Grandparents/Family/Friends Involved

If you just read the last paragraph and said “cool, that’s great”, but you’re a single mom trying to rock this holiday season while also working, and trying to keep your sanity and your budget intact, then let me offer some alternatives. My Mom rocked the single mother scene until I was 7, so all of my core childhood memories and traditions rest firmly in her hard work. They weren’t expensive – decorating the tree, ‘letting’ my sister put the lights on herself, making cookies or crafts. Even making all these memories by herself, she still recruited neighbors and babysitters to help us create ornaments, and gifts for her.

Involve Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Friends, Cousins – ask them to wrap presents with your child – this will leave some awesome memories for your kid, and also tick a box on the holiday checklist. You may be surprised who’ll be up for it- my Dad, who’s “not really super into Christmas” still wraps every present – he sets up a card table in their bedroom, and watches TV while he does it.  To help with her stress levels, each year my nieces come over on Christmas Eve for the day while my sister-in-law works. We make a craft, make cookies, watch a Christmas movie, and I generally let the 3 kids run rampant to get that holiday energy out.